Shadow Fire : 50K

For Warhammer fiction not strictly from either universe.

Re: Shadow Fire : 50K

Postby Gaius Marius » Wed Feb 22, 2012 4:04 am

Thankee dear Mustard :)
Space Cowboy, Spartan II, Specter, Reclusiarch

'I see the fear you have inside.'
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Gaius Marius
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Re: Shadow Fire : 50K

Postby Sumeragi Atsukuni » Thu Apr 21, 2016 9:32 pm

Same as Monsieur le Colonel Moutarde. Since I read it without paying for it, I think it is honnest to repay by some comments. And I shall do so by quoting some parts I especially liked or if I have somethinf to say about it (in pro commenting they use other means, but that's kinda the same goal that I have in mind here).

Overall feeling is that it was a great spin-off, brilliant, yet not a master-piece or entirely conform to the Fluff (which is verry rare, including in the BL and GW official publishing, so don't worry).

Chapter 1 was great. Nothing to add to what was said by Lord Lucan.

The gun chattered, sending its clip of bullets screaming into the flame symbol emblazoned upon the Astartes breast plate. Heavy lead slugs bounced harmlessly off the Ceramite, leaving only scratches behind.

‘Brave,’ laughed the Space Marine, ‘take his hand. The left one.’

How mean. This Chaplain is a bully, they are just affraid, he could do a priestly sermon instead of acting like a mafiosi ! ><"

Chapter 3:

The steel rain fell harshly and it cut the scarred earth.

Borealum 4evah

A Borealum (petty) Imperium ? Sounds great. Lord Lucan don't know what he missed by not including it in his setting. Poor Lord Lucan. :p

Also, I'm pretty sure no Warp entity can be trapped under anything in the Materium, unless they are scealed to it, that is to say soul-chained.
In the body of any living being in the Materium (such as humans, abhumans, eldars, orks, tytys and taus) their is a "chain" made of willpower, linking the soul in the Warp and the brain. The "Force" attack represent originally the destruction of this "chain" and similar attacks.
When a demon manifest itself in the Materium, he create a body made of warp-stuff with his willpower. Instead of being nurtured by food and water, psychic energy is used in order to maintain it's continual existence inside the Materium. When it's stopped, the body dissolve back in the Nothingness, and the demon's essence return inside the Immaterium.
Thus, demons can't be trapped, unless they are sealed. That is to say, somehow, the demon's essence can't return inside the Warp and stay bounded to either the body it has created or another physical object (such as a sword or a machine), that is to say possessing it. Usually, the difference between being sealed and being possessed is the seal make the demon unable to do anything with the body / object it possess, it is just trapped inside it.
So, in theory, demons can return from the Materium to the Immaterium almost anytime they want.

That is also why Grey Knights usually don't seal demons, but bannish them like the fucking clowns they are.

‘You were men once,’ harangued the Chaplain, ‘chosen by demigods to be something greater than human, to carry the torch into the darkness that threatened humanity. You failed. All of you.’

Thirty one former Sons of Horus had been captured during the battle, a tenth of their total commited force. Most of them had been pulled from the rubble of the collapsed government tower, their cracked, dingy armor testament to their fall. Others had been horribly wounded in battle or tackled to the ground by rampaging Fire Beasts. Regardless, all of them were now stripped and shackled to adamantine crucifixes and forced to listen to their captors’ speeches.

‘In his flawed judgment, the Emperor raised you up from the common clay of man, lifting you from weakness, age and mortality. And look how you have repaid him,’ sneered Martel.

The Black Legionaries stared defiance back at the Fire Beast. They had made their choices too long ago to feel regret or guilt.

‘Murderers, rapists, looters. You were made to kill man’s foes and keep humanity safe and given great power to do so,’ snarled the Fire Beast, ‘and you have abused that power. I could kill you where you hang now and you would deserve it, but releasing you to your shit gods is too clean a death for ones as you.’

Dozens of medical servitors trundled forwards on their steel tracks, whirring scalpel blades and drills in place of hands.

‘The great philosopher-soldier Xenophon once said that leaders are given great power in exchange for taking great danger upon themselves,’ said Martel, ‘but that if they fail to meet that danger then they must have their power removed.’

The chaos space marines began to struggle, although none of them yet realized the full horror of their situation.

‘We will remove that power and throw you back to mud wherein you once arose,’ smiled the Chaplain behind his horned skull helm, ‘and once your geneseed has been removed root and branch, I will make sure you live to see yourself mortal.’


YES ! That kind of speech ! See ? You can do it, Chaplain Martel ! ><

Fire Beasts going Dark Angels style... lol

For a week, Buchlein was subjected to pyshic torture as Captain Wallace sorted through the plethora of psychic trails emanating off of him. A primarch’s scent may be strong, but millennium of evil can coat it thickly.


It is disturbing, but okay. You don't absolutely need to search and correct it.

Far below on Siclemaus, the survivors Martel had ‘saved’ were brought into the ranks of the chapter serfs. The few soldiers became low ranking guardsmen, save for their commander who was fitted with a cloned limb and allowed to retain his rank.

Not as bastardly as I thought. It's true that you on't think about the cloning techniques in the 40k setting, because everyone uses bionics instead. I feel a bit embarassed. lol

Oooooh! Loving these last two parts. I like your style. Removing all the Black Legionnaire's astartes organs? Awesomely cruel!

And you head for Dark Cadia... oh this is going to be sweet. I trust you will depict the triumphant Despoiler and his Despoiled with the same flair and skill you've shown elsewhere.

Brilliant stuff.

Lord Lucan's way of praising people is the most awesome one I ever read in a barbarian (western) culture ! I suggest you try to put this skill into use in some fiction, for exemple in the mouth of a cult leader or a space marine officer rewarding his recruits. ahahah

This, Gaius, is why 40K is awesome.

You have a band of psychotic superhumans. They maim people on their side, torture and mutilate captured prisoners, are close-minded religious fanatics, are near-berserkers and currently living off scavenged technology stolen from fairly innocuous worlds. They kill their enemies in the most brutal fashions possible, and are effectively barbarians. If you met one of them, you'd probably walk away maimed, terrified or dead. And compared to what they're up against, you've got no choice but to accept that they're the good guys.

And this is why this story and the Fire Beasts are great, because they bring what is absolutely fantastic about 40K to the fore. And now I must ask for more, because this is brilliant.

It makes me think about a short story of the Legion of the Damned receiving ammos and stuff. They did it in a polite fashion, though they killed the guy who helped them. A Tech-priest, maybe ? I don't remember.

Anyway... I don't think this kind of attitude the Fire Beasts have is mandatory. In the Eisenhorn trilogy, their is a Space Marine from the Deathwatch who has most excellent manners and social decorum.

In the original Dawn of War, Isador act like a prick with the guardsmen, but Gabriel is nicer to them.

Chapter 6

And Martel, I fear for him. He is as old as I, yet vital through his faith. But what is he worshipping now? He has forgotten the dead Emperor and speaks only of Vulkan now. Does he worship his Primarch as a god? Should he? Should I?’

Tyme looked at his metal gauntlets, picturing the pale skin beneath them and the jet black eyes he viewed them with.

‘Can I?’


‘Since you fell I’ve lead them through horror and death, most of it inflicted by the Chapter itself. To give them purpose I fell upon the idea of finding Vulkan, the Primarch’s cruelest sons being the ones to bring him back to the galaxy. Through thousands of years of mercenary work and brutal, punitive raids we’ve chased ghosts of clues and rumors of hermits as we rebuilt our strength. Even now the Beasts are a fraction of what we were and I lead them to Cadia itself.’

Steel claws fitted tightly around Tyme’s head, scrapping paint from his helm and gently putting pressure on his skull.

‘But my worst fear isn’t that we won’t find him,’ said Tyme, ‘it’s that we will. That we will and Vulkan will reject us. The stories tell that he was the kindest of the Primarchs, the one who cared for its people above all else. In comparison to the Salamanders or even the Sons of Thunder we’re little more than butchers, living only to deal out terror and slaughter to our enemies. Vulkan was a blacksmith and we were little more than marauders, even during the Imperium’s reign our reputation for brutality was well known. How could Vulkan trust us? How could He love us?’

I'm not fond of family stories. But. Increasingly beautiful.

‘Slave-fodder of the Tyrant,’ yelled the Dreadnaught, ‘my name is Charles Alacant, once First Bull of the Fire Beasts and Master of the Ancients. I have slain your kind for a thousand years and more, piling your gene-fathers’ heads before the Emperor’s altars. Hear my words and know that you are trapped and doomed. This place is no hallowed hall, but merely an empty hole in the mountains. Our Fortress-Monastary is in the stars and even now Loyal Fiend comes to make a butchery of your fleet. Know that you have shed your blood for nothing and that even now my brother’s escape to make your sacrifice meaningless. Your lord and master is pinned beneath my feet, beaten by First Bull Douglas in a battle of wits so grand that the Tyrant of Badab did not even recognize he was engaged in it. Come now and face me, try and save your mongrel lord and earn his thanks. I am Charles Alacant and I WILL BEST YOU!’

And thus, in an empty, meaningless fortress did Ancient Charles die, his foes falling by the score, his weapons roaring and the raging Huron Blackheart, Tyrant of Badab and Lord of the Maelstrom pinned helpless at his feet.


Sadly for First Bull Douglas, he was no match for CHAPTER MASTER SMASHFUCKER, the one true hero of the Imperium and parangon of Homo Astartes. Had he been as great as him, he would have one sidedly crushed Huron and eat his brain. Sadly, if it had happened, we wouldn't have the epic fight between Abaddon the destroyer king and Huron Black Heart.

Chapter 7

‘From my view it seems Cadia’s defenses are perfect,’ said Wallace, the Librarian out of his Terminator plate and wearing a set of simple carapace armor. His claymore was at the side of his chair and his blue woad face paint had been scrubbed off.

Nice reference. At first descriptions of Librarian Wallace, I didn't recognized the historical character. But this part make it verry clear, yet subtle at the same time. ^^"

‘I am aware of the dangers,’ said Tyme, ‘both mortal and moral. We will do not one ounce of evil for Abaddon, merely unleash evil upon him. And he will hire us. Aside from the military strength we represent, you forget what we have in our stasis holds in the Fiend. Even a warlord of Abaddon’s strength would not throw away a thousand sets of progenoids gathered from millennia worth of butchered traitors. Especially when it comes to him at the hands of a renegade who has abandoned the chapter with a third of its strength.’

Hence, Tyme entered History as a peer of the pantheon of Badass. Praise be his name, curses on his foes.

Lord Korimand was a typical Black Legion Captain, proud, arrogant and strong. His ancient carapace bore scars from a hundred crusades and captured skulls jangled about his belt. He allowed little discussion and ruled the junior officers like a dictator, backed up by six squads of Black Legion veterans.

I found a nice picture of black carapace that, unlike most other depictions, is quite esthetic and abs showing. And... their are no scars on them. Their is not enough place for putting scars, even if you are a White Scar Astartes.

I liked that. Shows the Fire beasts being clever.

Bit confused on the Creed thing. Has the despoiled General taken Creed's name?

Who do you think you are kidding ? My lord is doing it all the time both in 50k and 60k, their are named characters of the Imperial Guard's family names showing up from nowhere, surviving through millenias !!! XD


Anyway... what amaze me is that Abaddon killed Ursakar Creed, and then just expected Tzeentch to randomly generate at some point one of his descendents with the same "tactical genius" so (s)he can pull out beiiiiiinblaaaaaaaaade and titanic legions out of nowhere to flank people. Abaddon is so lucky that his plans have now a plot armour. Maybe she-Creed stole the one of Kay-to Sicarius, with her tactical genius. Because, if she hadn't showed up despite randomness, babaddon the armless would have always stayed the same sore ever-looser against Creed. :p

On a side note, that was a smart move to not show us Abaddon in this chapter. Now, the reader will continue to wonder if he does have arms or not. I bet he doesn't. My Grey Knight Grand Master cut them off, after all ; though they could have been replaced through mutations or the fluffiterator virus of the Fluff Bearers renegades. Or by bionics. Still, I bet he doesn't. :v


The rest of the compound wasn’t much better. Scores of barracks had been burned and the others had been smashed apart with a deliberateness that did not suggest collateral damage. Whatever had destroyed this place had done so after its garrison was already dead, showing extreme such extreme hate it was not content to leave even its dead enemy’s homes standing.

"showing extreme such extreme"

Just pointing it out. ;)

3rd squad discovered that the vast warehouses filled with supplies for sixty thousand men had been burned to the ground. However, analysis of the ashes found that they had been filled to capacity when fired. Greed had not been a motive in the attack.

Meanwhile, half the galaxy is starving. Just like IRL ! How realistic...

Scores of hulking grey shapes hit the Astartes, attempting to overwhelm them with claws and teeth. In every case the foe was Astartes size or bigger and their strength was prodigious. But the Beasts were in barbed plate and their bolters bore bayonets. The rooms where the fight took place were small and soon filled with clanging steel and gushing blood.


No, seriously... that's a beast fighting here ! Just like in some deldar arena.

Weyne’s opponent slammed into him as the Captain entered a fire charred sitting room. He had brought a storm shield from one of the thunderhawks' armories and the electrified Ceramite was the only thing that saved his life. The shield crumpled under the enemy’s assault as grey shape easily Weyne’s size slammed its shoulder into the storm shield. The Fire Beast blocked another blow with his falchion, the energized steel ringing as six razor sharp claws met the blade.

Don't be silly, he has W3 just like all space marine brother captain. :p

'No, not alone,' said the hidden man, 'but there are those that can. Those that will. Those that must.'

'How?' asked Weyne.

‘We are all of us born into sin and corruption,’ said the speaker, his form seeming to congeal from the shadow’s inside the manse, ‘but it is in us to overcome it. Bloodlust can be mastered, change directed purposefully, desire quenched to a subhuman level and decay halted entirely. Chaos thrives on emotion, human emotion. If we make ourselves beasts we get rid of the pain of being a man.’

‘That is from our holy books,' declared Weyne, 'those are the words of First Bull Douglas from millennium ago. Show me your face, you who know our words.'

The figure that stepped from the manse was ancient beyond years and battered beyond measure. Its powder blue armor had been through so many cycles of repair and damage that it was one vast spider web of cracks and chips. A moth-eaten black wolf pelt that had been holed in a thousand battles and shrank by endless years under alien suns was nailed to his back. Two yellow eyes stared out from a face that was a network of crisscrossed scars. His hair was long, grey, matted and filled with eagle feathers and knuckle bones. A snarling chainsword was in his hands, the barbs of its chain made out of strange teeth.

‘My name, errant son of Prometheus, is Ragnar Blackmane,’ said the Fenryka, ‘and I have been sent to help you.’



Nothing special to quote, but that was excellent.


I must say I am not fond of Chaplains using family names.
According to the Copendium, each Chaplains take the name of the Chaplain he succeeded. Meaning a typical Chaplain name would be "Mikaelus XXXVII".
They are priests, so of course, they should have Latin sounding names.
Indeed, close to 0 canon Chaplain character follow this custom. Sadly. But GW and BL writters are famous for not reading the Fluff, not knowing what was established before them. So of course I don't blame you. ;)

Today will be no different than Orzammar, Tejas or Principia.’

Thanks for helping the Squats. ;)

Towering above all of the assembled warhost was the God-Machine, a recently repaired Warlord Titan and a priceless technological marvel. Painted in midnight black, symbols of Vulkan’s eternal flame and the God-Emperor’s Aquila had been worked across every inch of its body. Its brutish skull was bone white, save for the glaring red eyes. A plasma anhilator large enough to drive a land raider down hung from its left shoulder, while its right was a gigantic approximation of a Crozius, its head the size of a Thunderhawk gunship. MacCallister was emblazoned across its armored chasis in blood red runes.

Epic. Fuck Chaplain Dreadnought. Chaplain Titan 4 evah, battle bruva !!!

‘Beast of the Fire,’ roared Tyme to his warriors, ‘we have been called into battle most joyous against a foe most foul for a goal most worthy. We go now to free our Primarch and to follow his dark fire in kindling the light of mankind. Let us go with wrath!’


She was interrupted by an immense explosion at the rear of the parade ground. The wind kicked up as a huge amount of air was rapidly displaced and light flashed as some cyclopean shape snapped into reality. The lesser regiments at the rear of the procession began to burn railcannon and gatling blasters lit up their formations, killing men by the hundred. A plasma annihilator fired once, a bolt the size of a super heavy tank vaporizing the temple of Khorne to the parade ground’s north-west along with a basilisk platoons and 5 infantry companies. Somehow a titan, immense and heavily modified into the likeness of a corpse-slave Astarte had appeared in the middle of the Kasr, its armored feet already bloody with Cadian blood.

‘Cadain 8th!’ roared Creed, ‘mount up and prepare to engage titans!’

Her order was blotted out however, as an immense roar overtook the city, shattering winows and deafening men by the hundred.

‘I am Reclusiarch MacCallister!’ screamed the Titan-Astartes, in its last, beautiful hour of life, ‘I am the Emperor’s Revenge Personified and I have come to DESTROY YOU!’

Know that I read this text while listening to this ~ strange feelings over there :

The Emperor is proud of his loyal fire beasts, Reclusiarche.

Tyme Crooked-Mind had fought for a cause for thousands of years. In the face of the Imperium’s dissolution, the First Bull had seen that no mortal force could heal the shattered realms of man. Only Vulkan, the Fire Beast’s primogenitor and the Emperor’s most favored son could hope to reforge mankind.

Black Library revisionism.

Beside, Vulkan was named after the smith-god. He is not supposed to be a favoured son at all. Beside, it is known ALL smiths gods archetype either has 1 eye missing or 1 leg missing, or both. Meaning, not only those BL writters don't know the Fluff, but worse, they are your average WASP soul tortured by atheism vs "religion" (dying christianity, stealthy jews or muslim terrorists, and retty much nothing else) so-called debate ; while they in fact know neither the arguments of Atheism (for exemple : /tg/ believe either the Crazy Professor or Hitchens to be the God-Emperor Numen... while it is verry clear "Treatise on the Gods" by Mencken is the supreme bible of atheism) nor those of Religion. Hopefully, not the whole world is obsessed with this bullshit, only the anglo-saxons country. Europeans don't care, save for Italians who are Catholics and Russians who are devote Orthodox ; the middle-east is not in this kind of phase yet ; China is busy being crazy (atheist bishop, forbiding of reincarnations, etc. and it's just mentionning crazy shit about religions...) ; Indians are like Africans but less archaic and more spiritual ; Japanese, while being laics, have no problem with Religion (though most are not verry spiritual and don't understand Shintoism, nor Buddhism or Confucianism indeed) ; etc.


Know that Dark Souls 1 had a 1 legged god smith, called anonymous because he was an archetype god (hence, an universal god among the cultures of Earth) and thus represented without a head. Meaning : even the Japanese read Mircea Eliade, despite the fact he wrotte in French and English, and taught in the USA !
... Who is Eliade ? The father of modern History of Religions. And he was both a scientist, an erudite, a Catholic and someone who respected other's religions and practices, while staying convinced by his original's ones (which is actually incredible, because he never converted, much like an Inquisitor who would be exposed to a lot of heretical knowledge and teachings but who would remain pure in his convictions, means and purposes).

And what about 40k ? Vaul is an archtype smith deity. While Isha is without any kind of doubt possible the archetype of the earth mother, the fertility goddess : the eternal Isis, Ishtar, Astarte, Izanami-no-mikoto, virgin Marria, etc. So yeah, the original writters of the original old Fluff knew a thing or two about History of Religions.

The fluff of Primarch Vulkan is well written and all, but he is not at all in the theme of the smith deity.

The smith archetype in Archaic societies is not a favoured son. He is the twin of the priest or shaman, the other side of the coin. And he is both a sort of magician a teacher of "technology", meaning to extract the power / blessings of the gods (Nature). In other words, by smithing bronze or iron, he is taming it, taming the powers of the gods. Original iron was not forged from ore, but from comet fallen upon Earth.... in the eyes of those archaic men, it was the power of the gods they were harnessing, in order to do several things, including improving their standards of living, fighting, arts and honoring the gods (in Japan, for exemple, mirrors and swords are often use as Go-Shintai ; while in Christianity it is common to have golden cross and a lot of sacred bling inside Churches). Vulkan did pretty much all of that. He is supposed to be a craftsman, not everyone's buddy and not that horrible stupidity "Perpetual" they try to pass for Fluff... I will say but 2 things about this crap BL put out of it's english writting asshole :
1° All Senseï have regeneration powers that allows them almost full regeneration and eternal youth, as long as they can take the energy from the pure, primordial, quiet Warp. Most of the Primarchs physical prowess likely come from this, not just from superior genes.
2° Death is not mandatory in Nature. Beside, some primitive organism dwelling inside Earth's ecosystem are immortal through regeneration. It is fully expected that far before the next 28 Milleniums, we, Mankind, will be able to take back this power. Technology. And the smith deity is not a being who possess priviledges, but a benevolent deity who transmit his knowledge or at least it's tools (because, all priest hood and crafts are bath into esoterism, so Vulkan should have been almost as dark as Lionel, instead of a "total bro").


I do not entirely object to this. Simply because the Primarchs were supposed to be artificial Senseï, among other things, and to have superior minds. That is why most of them managed to become rulers of their own worlds. Corax, for exemple, despite the touch of Chaos, retained the "liberty" driven mind of the Emperor's biological, natural children. Meaning, they were far from entirely corrupted. Even Angron fought for freedom and friendship in his youth. Even Kurze had a purpose and killed for Justice and a better society, despite his grim despair and darkness.

Thus, pretty much all Primarchs should be able to rebuild the Imperium. So of course, people would go search / hope for their favourite, or something.

Of the two void cells, the one rightmost to the Fire Beast Sergeant opened first, the two halves splitting like an eggshell. Inside were arrayed artifacts, ancient devices that Kaa could not recognize. The Salamanders had had little to do with their cruelest descendants and even in the age of the Imperium little had been passed down to the Fire Beasts. Kaa did however recognize the obvious skill and craftsman ship in the weapons, especially the immense spear, half as long again as a Space Marine and fitted with bulky flame projectors.

Turning his eyes from the collection of war gear, Kaa sighted the inhabitant of the second cage. The Sergeant had been prepared for a demi-god, a piece of the vanished Emperor, the salvation of his ruined Chapter.

‘No,’ hissed Kaa, ‘No. NO!’

He moved quickly, his body moving with every ounce of speed the Emperor’s long dead scientists could have envisioned. Within a moment he had the razor sharp blade of his chain axe pressed against the prisoner’s throat, while the Fire Beast’s gauntlet’s gripped the side of the man’s skull.

‘Who are you?’ demanded Kaa of the bent, aged Astartes before him, his dark skin covered in lines of age and his muscle aged to nothing.

‘Vulkan,’ gasped the ancient space marine, pain in his voice and bitterness, but not fear.

‘Not possible,’ snarled Kaa, ‘you are not the Forge Father; you are not the Dread Smith!’

‘I … I am Vulkan He’Stan,’ said the old Astartes, ‘a name I have not said for long years. And you have walked into a trap.’

I never saw it comming. Oo


Scores of Fire Beasts lay slain, almost half of Tyme’s original complement dead in minutes and the Bloodletters’ blades had made no distinction between Terminators and tactical marines. Those that remained were exhausted and low on ammunition, their armor cracked and their blades chipped. The Black Legion was quick to take advantage, charging in on the wearied Astartes.

Not since 6th edition ! :p

Though, that edition is not Fluff, so it doesn't matter (lol an axe can't possibly have a better AP than power swords...). But actually, Terminator armour can make a difference even against power swords.

‘Fire and Shadow,’ roared the Astartes, ‘you killed the First Bull and you will die!’

His first blow struck the Seneschal’s sole hale power fist, over loading its powerfield and causing it to explode violently. Shrapnel lanced up the Seneschal’s arm, richocheting endlessly inside his armor. Fragments slashed across Weyne’s face, forming five parallel scars across his pale features. The top meter of his blade was caught in the blast, shattering.

‘Offer me power from the gods,’ ordered Weyne, blood streaming down his face as he flicked the jagged tip of the much shorter sword across the Traitor’s face. Its power field crackled, machine spirit enraged.

‘Yes,’ gasped the Seneschal, his superhuman body unable to deal with the pain.

‘Offer me warriors, legions,’ commanded the Astartes, dealing a light blow to the Seneschal’s shoulder.

‘All that I have,’ promised the Seneschal, trying to back away.

‘Give me anything I demand,’ snarled Weyne, kicking the already injured leg.

‘Anything!’ screamed the Seneschal, knocking aside Weyne’s blade with his damaged fist and punching towards his tormentor’s face.

Weyne turned aside from the blow and slashed downwards into the Seneschal’s chest, lopping off his last arm and wedging the blade into the traitor Marine’s secondary heart.

‘I want Tyme back,’ snarled Weyne, pulling the blade free and decapitating his foe.

Always Angry !!! All the time !!!!!!!

I was actually laughing like a lunatic while reading this part. Action packed with excellent description.


Bolters blazed on full auto, scything through the rear ranks of the enemy. Chain axe roaring, the sergeant killed five men in as many seconds, their ragged pieces flying. Aroused to this new threat, Creed directed her forces against the newcomer, firing blind into the smoke. Grenades killed two of Kaa’s squad, hellguns wounded another, but Kaa and his men cut their way through the press to reach the entry way to the gantry.

It's strange. It seems to me almost as if "that" organ never serves. That they always dies, and are not simply "neutralised". ^^"

The final sendoff of one of the most badass marines in Warhammer lore was as suitably fitting as it could possibly be; mortally wounded, battling the most horrific foes humanity could face. He manages to take out a final enemy, and then blows himself up in one last act of defiance. In a sense, I guess that sound pretty standard for a Marine. Except he's in a Titan and the daemons are the size of skyscrapers.

Yes... Though he slayed at least 3 Greater Demons. By the way, the current rules for Greater Demons are a bit abusive. They can't possibly represent things such as the difference in profile between Greater Demon standard size and Greater Demon size of a skycraper.

Your descriptions were also very well executed and your battles were frenetic and fierce at every turn. Work on avoiding naming each specific weapon so technically though, as it jsut kills momentum in a scene when you have to specify exactly what KIND of weapon your men are using to mash someone's brains into paste... the key part we are interested in is not their kit, but the characters.

I thnk it was okay. Though... my own fighting scenes depictions tend to be... a bit too heavy, too much details. This is a problem I have an extremely hard time to solve.

But overall, a marvellous 50K spin-off tale. I feel a little biased if I say I like the setting, but arguably this story is good regardless of what setting it was placed within. I'm just glad you liked my setting enough to place yourself within it.

Biased or not, the quality of 50k is real.

That was an extremely impressive ending indeed, Gaius, and a truly spectacular sendoff for MacCallister, Tyme and even the Loyal Fiend (I forgot to say, the idea of an Imperial Quasi-Daemonship is excellent, and fits the personality you've given the Beasts excellently). And the absolute end was really quite fitting; the Beasts had taken one hell of a battering, are desparate and nearly down, but there's that glimmer of hope, and in a way I guess that's almost a metaphor for 50K's humanity in general. Or alternatively, that's just me getting into English mode. ;)


As a last comment, I want only to say this was brilliant, but their is a problem. What happened to the Demon Prince ? That guy should not have been able to be here and set the trap. Why ? Because, was he not bannished after the end of the torture ? As explained in the comment I wrotte previously for Colonel Mustard, he should be in the Warp blocked for 1000 years and 1 day. Now that I think about it, I don't remember reading how he escaped and joined Abaddon's Seneschal... Demons hate being bannished. They are weak after that, they don't feel comfortable at all, and not only that, they are mocked / bullyed by other demons. That goes even for Greater Demons and Demon Princes, who are usualy (psychically) powerful enough to have their own shadow-realm, sub-reality in the Warp. And as such, no demons would do that. Of course, that dick may have escaped the Fire Beasts' prison, but it is still strange... if he did, the Fire Beasts would have known and it would also mean the Black Legion knew what they were planning and where Chapter Master First Bul Tyme was here and that he likely sent Captain Wayne. All the planifications on both sides shoud have crumbled.

Nowadays, people are not verry knowledgeable in Warpology...

I saw several things impossible in Lord Lucan's original works too.

For exemple, that Malchocht dude usurping Khorne's ancient dominion over war machines, and becoming a warp god... two things impossible. Actually, it is not possible for a mortal or a demon to become a warp god. Of course, they can become "gods" in the broad meaning of it, but not of the same kind as the 4 Chaos Gods, Malal, Hashut, Arianka, Solkan, Alluminas, Zuvassin & cie. Why ? Because of the verry nature of the soul.

How can I explain this... the soul, according to Warhammer Warpology, is not "you", it is not your "self".

For exemple... you have your body. But your body is not made of the same particules as it was when you were born. And more than 99% of your body is actually empty space. What, then, is the self ? What, then, is the spirit ? What, then, is reincarnation ? Those questions are answered by Buddhism, and it is dangerous to give it unprepared mind (equivalent to cast an hex upon random people, which is actually worse than terrorism, because terrorism is useless, while hex and maledictions have subtle and not verry well understoof effects, yet, they undoubtedly screwed a lot of societies and cultures all over the world... anyway...). I know that verry well. So I won't / can't answer it directly.

The same goes for your soul in the warp. It is not you. Even if, like Sanguinius, you have a powerfull soul and it is freed into the Warp after your body dies, then, even if you are transformed into a god by quadrillions of humans worshipping you in mass celebration all over the galaxy, the "God Sanguinius" will just absorb the soul of the "human, mortal, historical, actual Sanguinius".

The same goes for Numen when he was created by the ancient shamans. They combined their souls and psychic might in order to reincarnate in a new body. He had some of their memory. His personality was broadly influenced by theirs. His goal was the same as theirs (protecting Humanity against Chaos, and make it Grand). But. Numen's self was not any of those Shamans in particular. His self was not Shaman n°234, nor his sister Shamaness n°142, nor the cousin of his cousin in the previous former life Shaman n°368. He was simply "him-self", an new human whose body, spirit, personality, tastes etc developped by themselves while he grew up in a natural fashion. All those Shamans' souls were destroyed in a way when they combined. But... "destroy" is relative. Why ? You already know why. Basic Chemistry. Nothing is ever destroyed, nothing is ever created, all is transformed (Tzeentch has cometh and he is the best ! HERESY !). The Shamans didn't minded doing this because they were superior individual... they had Wisdom and lived cosmic lives, much like the Old Ones (1rst and 2nd edition, maybe not those of Lord Lucan's fic who seems different). "The Sage is the peer of the gods, different compare to them only in lifespan." (Seneca) Dost thou understand ? :ugeek:
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Sumeragi Atsukuni
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