How are we?

[Pyroriffic]

So, how are we?

I got so bored of the mundane that I've taken a career break and moved to the countryside... which is proving to be absolutely amazing... i cannot tell you how freeing not living in a city of 8 million people is proving to me.

Hoping to devote some time to writing again for the first time in about 3 years!

Try living endlessly in the arse-end of nowhere. I grew up in the Southern countryside, moved to the Midlands countryside and am now stuck in the Northern countryside, with no financial hope of ever getting home.

A billion years* of that and you'll soon be craving Actual People. Ho, yes.

In other words, good for you, mate. It's a luxury indeed to be able to follow your dreams in a manner like that!

* This may be a slight exaggeration. Slight.

[Rob P]

I joined the Labour party after the last GE then quit around Jan 2016 and re-joined around Brexit time.

I won't go into all the ins and outs because that's debaters' lounge territory.

However, I've started going to local Labour Party meetings and it's somewhere between fun, interesting and dull.

I went to one last night with a guest speaker and it was really eye-opening. it's reignited my desire to get involved in local politis, but let's see how long that lasts!

[Xisor]

I joined the Labour party after the last GE then quit around Jan 2016 and re-joined around Brexit time.

I won't go into all the ins and outs because that's debaters' lounge territory.

However, I've started going to local Labour Party meetings and it's somewhere between fun, interesting and dull.

I went to one last night with a guest speaker and it was really eye-opening. it's reignited my desire to get involved in local politis, but let's see how long that lasts!

I've been unable to get along to LD meetings since before the summer due to work, but I echo that sentiment. The 'dull' part is to be expected, but it's heartening to see people keen to minimise it.

---

Yesterday we I was chatting about how depressing a weak it could have been, on an external level, and how trying to avoid despair is a huge part of it. But there were two things that overwhelmingly brought a degree of uplift to me.

One, the debates people had about this sort of thing (have your sound on, worth it).

The other, this news story, including the somewhat hyperbole tweet I saw about it:
Nick Breckon‏ @nickbreckon: "When you're playing Civ and you develop spaceflight on the turn before a spearman razes your capital"

Since reading Rob Sanders' words on the matter, they've been almost constantly on or near the forefront of my mind. It's as close to a motto as I've got, at the moment:

"Responsibility found expression in resolution."

[Squiggle]

So, how are we?

I got so bored of the mundane that I've taken a career break and moved to the countryside... which is proving to be absolutely amazing... i cannot tell you how freeing not living in a city of 8 million people is proving to me.

Hoping to devote some time to writing again for the first time in about 3 years!

Try living endlessly in the arse-end of nowhere. I grew up in the Southern countryside, moved to the Midlands countryside and am now stuck in the Northern countryside, with no financial hope of ever getting home.

A billion years* of that and you'll soon be craving Actual People. Ho, yes.

In other words, good for you, mate. It's a luxury indeed to be able to follow your dreams in a manner like that!

* This may be a slight exaggeration. Slight.

it may not be forever. i have kept a route back to civilisation open, should it be required!

[Xisor]

I do like the sound of getting away from it all.

I mean sure, I've sort of gotten away from it all by spending an unholy amount of time in Bournemouth, but still.

The weather has been frightful, and the very restful period over Christmas was quite excellent, but I've been quite aware of how exhausting I'm finding things without proper periods for sensible breaks/relaxing/recuperation. I'm probably in far better fettle than I've been for a long while, of course, but now that I've a hint of a degree of self awareness, it's proving difficult not to fixate on it.

Difficult, but not impossible.

---

What I really need to do is get back to swimming. I very much miss it. And this belly could do with going away.

[Major Rawne]

And this belly could do with going away.

You're not wrong there Though i'm not one to talk my own podge is steadily growing, and something I should quickly nip in the bud sooner rather than later.

[Athelassan]

I've been making a point of trying to lose some weight so far this year. It's been going reasonably well and the visible belly is reducing, though I reckon I still need to get rid of about a stone. According to the BMI I am still overweight, although since it puts the lower end of the healthy range at about nine and a half stone for my height (to reach which I think I would need to eliminate not only all my fat but nearly all my muscle and possibly a couple of the less important bones) I am a little sceptical about its accuracy.

Ath

[Xisor]

I've been making a point of trying to lose some weight so far this year. It's been going reasonably well and the visible belly is reducing, though I reckon I still need to get rid of about a stone. According to the BMI I am still overweight, although since it puts the lower end of the healthy range at about nine and a half stone for my height (to reach which I think I would need to eliminate not only all my fat but nearly all my muscle and possibly a couple of the less important bones) I am a little sceptical about its accuracy.

Ath

Blimey, I need to lose 4.7 stone!

Well, the game is afoot. 2017 shall see me tend towards the healthier bodyweight!

And this belly could do with going away.

You're not wrong there

Cheeky scamp!

[Therion]

Was browsing my old IM log from 2005. Talks with my scumbag middle class "friend", currently alt-right. I realised that starvation worshippers are a literal thing.
They actually periodically starve themselves as an offering, also they don't mind being starved if they aren't "successful".

A portion deleted. Fantasising about dehumanising real world people and violence against them is not okay. Interacting with daft ideas won't help.
- Xisor

[Xisor]

Picking at old scabs rarely helps, Therion.

---

Going swimming again. It's... surprisingly nice.

[Therion]

I realised that disability and loss of productivity isn't the goal of psychological liquidation. The goal is to create a self-hating obedient slave that will maintain productivity, even working their fingers to the bones.
The main goal of psychological liquidation is destruction of morality, not productivity.

I'm an exception it seems. Perhaps because I was never a physical worker type - with dyspraxia and every high intelligence and great memory when I was a kid. So, when I was targeted for psychological liquidation by the society, I started having memory and attention problems and insomnia and lost ability to have normal school attendance. I guess it was unusual.

But what does it mean in terms of true morality?

The moral truth I arrived to is that victims of psychological liquidation must be paid awesome compensations for abuse, even more awesome compensations for loss of health due to abuse and generous disability pensions based on native IQ and high quality help in recovery.

How does it apply to slaves, though? I don't know, perhaps just compensation for suffering and help in recovery?

I don't know, I lost about 500k pln because of psychological liquidation and health problems and learning problems created by it, but it seems slaves haven't lost any money? Or maybe they still work in jobs way below their original potential?

[Therion]

I managed to finish my first MOOC, ever (that is I started, like 10-15 course before but never could keep up with them). UBCx: HtC1x How to Code: Simple Data. It should take 21 days, 4 hours per day, but due to problems with concentration and memory and tendency to emotional distress due to trauma it took me 9 months since April 2017, which included two re-starts and going back half-of-the-course once.
It's good that the course doesn't have time limits.
Some stuff like meditation and playing my favourite game helps a bit lately. Also, the perspective of making my own game keeps me motivated despite the difficulties.

Now I'm working on a final project which is a simple Space Invaders game - it's pretty miserable to code. During last 4 days, I've spent 6 hours coding - 1 hour on the first day, wasn't able to do anything on second day, 1,5 hours on third day and 3,5 hours today.

After experiencing this sort of misery so many times during the late part of the course I realised that most of normies have no idea how it is to have real difficulties in life. They just confuse discomfort with difficulty - difficulty means failing again and again. If one doesn't keep failing most of time, it's having it easy or very easy, no matter how unpleasant it is.

[Xisor]

Though I'd cheerfully quibble at length about what is *deserved*, and as time goes on I'm revealed to be innately more of a moral relativist than my judgemental black and white attitudes would have me believe, I'm starting to understand just how deep the psychosocial rifts actually are, worldwide.

It's a fascinating area to think on, and all too easy to wind people up with. Indeed, my major navel-gazing concern of late has been about language ,not necessarily the policing of language that comes up (an old pal of mine that's a journalist and something of an academic re:feminism), has inadvertently touched upon a critical and pervasive idea:

Most of the quibbling and derailing (from "the left devouring itself", all the way through to trying to advance any grappling of topics pertaining to any form of -ism), comes from being upset by the words being used.

Whilst I'm sure many reading might see that "upset" and think of thin-skinned "that offends me!" peddlers,I think even that notion is a distraction. Or worse - a thought erminating cliche. The offense given isn't always inherently a problem, but I think we might all agree that it's an... inefficiency. Friction, in an almost mechanical way, that shows loss inherent to the system.

We ought to be able to communicate ideas plainly, to be able to tailor or speech or writing to be able to quickly and cleanly communicate information. But the unwitting personality differences, the time of day, the economic factors (it's difficult for anyone acutely suffering to empathise with more vague difficulties, for example), who's had lunch - the sheer scope of it all is utterly towering in a terrifying way.

----

I digress. In essence, it's *extremely* easy to see why the aphorism "actions speak louder than words" is as bandied about as it is. Whilst the words are overwhelmingly powerful, It's exceedingly easy to misjudged them or fall off the cliff, or onto a knife-edge, and rile up (or worse: bore) whoever you're chatting to.

----

I say all that as, as Therion's own interests speak plainly: we have absolutely terrible ways for even beginning to accurately and adequately describe psychological difficulties in anything better than fairly mild or sweeping generalisations. It's not to say they're inherently unreliable, but they're certainly very far from perfect.

Indeed, I have a vague notion about studying the prevalence of Jungian types but applied to modern theory.

(If memory servers well-known Myers-Briggs only goes on four dimensions, segregating people in a binary way into one or the other end of each spectrum. It's not a terrible job, but because of the effects of, say, hunger, or (non-clinical) anxiety, or stress, one might easily flip about across quite a wide range, the dynamics of which being told you fit one of Sixteen Types of Person doesn't actually provide a huge amount of explanatory power. Indeed, getting caught in that trap seems to be extremely easy. Cross reference: earlier in this thread, where I mentioned the Zimmerman thing years ago.)

That is: what the actual *clustering* of humanity is on the more reliable (but hardly unassailable) Big 5 Factor model of personality. How common do certain combinations occur, with work (e.g. CBT, self-help, rigid stereotypical beatings to "build character") how much can anyone deviate or ammend their own tendencies?

Of course, it would be easy if I could just sit down and study that with no interference or distraction, but it turns out I'm easily distracted.

Even from things that I want and/or enjoy!

[Therion]

Though I'd cheerfully quibble at length about what is *deserved*, and as time goes on I'm revealed to be innately more of a moral relativist than my judgemental black and white attitudes would have me believe, I'm starting to understand just how deep the psychosocial rifts actually are, worldwide.

You know, I'll betray you a secret. You simply have no idea how bad it is. I'm at the point when I see social darwnists as biological enemies. Not, just other party or anything. Biological enemies that I'd love to kill.
They wanted me dead for so long that I can no longer see them as human beings. If someone expresses social Darwinist sentiments, such as malnutrition or even starvation being allowed, they are no longer human to me. They are on the list of hostile alien abominations.

Also, some fun stuff:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adverse_C ... nces_Study

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Posttraum ... s_disorder


http://healthland.time.com/2012/02/15/h ... l-illness/

This article is funny - the author lists a whole litany of long-term harms of child abuse but doesn't demand awesome compensations for it and these harms to be paid. It's almost like the author hates moral clarity or something.

It's a fascinating area to think on, and all too easy to wind people up with. Indeed, my major navel-gazing concern of late has been about language ,not necessarily the policing of language that comes up (an old pal of mine that's a journalist and something of an academic re:feminism), has inadvertently touched upon a critical and pervasive idea:

Most of the quibbling and derailing (from "the left devouring itself", all the way through to trying to advance any grappling of topics pertaining to any form of -ism), comes from being upset by the words being used.

Whilst I'm sure many reading might see that "upset" and think of thin-skinned "that offends me!" peddlers,I think even that notion is a distraction. Or worse - a thought erminating cliche. The offense given isn't always inherently a problem, but I think we might all agree that it's an... inefficiency. Friction, in an almost mechanical way, that shows loss inherent to the system.

We ought to be able to communicate ideas plainly, to be able to tailor or speech or writing to be able to quickly and cleanly communicate information. But the unwitting personality differences, the time of day, the economic factors (it's difficult for anyone acutely suffering to empathise with more vague difficulties, for example), who's had lunch - the sheer scope of it all is utterly towering in a terrifying way.

The left has fundamental problem of being next-to-non-existent and general tendency of people to see themselves as good, not because of good actions but vague benevolent sentiments.
Like people see a starving person and think that correct thing is wishing that person good luck instead of feeding that person. It's simply repulsive.

Left by nature is a mass movement. It requires organization and dedication.
It can't be composed of social Darwinists and almost everyone is a social Darwinist nowadays, even if they deny it in talk to feel good about themselves.
People like to point at the rich, but most of inhumanity is coming from the upper poor and middle class.

It's impossible to have a left movement without having masses of people committed to social solidarity.

It's not like all these inhuman ableists that impose sanction regimes on disabled people appear out of nowhere and are completely different from the society. They are chosen from the society that fanatically hates disabled people.

And in general, left needs to be capable of taking direct action against poverty - direct donations to people in need, organizing infrastructure for help, organizing strikes, organizing support for striking workers, etc.
As soon as the concept of being left is limited to virtue signalling and "other people should be taxed to pay for stuff", it's over. It's unsustainable.
Not because of budgets or anything, it's just you don't have any movement and any won concessions from the powers that be are just going to be dismantled one by one.

I watched people, I realise what kind of people are out there. All these virtue signalling leftoids, liberals, whatever. They posts their outrage against the rich, against Trump.
But the truth is that 90% of them is the same. They just don't can't output that kind of value to the society, so they never have such income. It's just pure jealousy speaking.

Like, I was one MBTI forum. And you know, there were all these "INFPs" doing virtue signalling, talking about how good they are. One day one member which was mentally ill, got his food stamps cancelled for some reason and was literally starving.
I was the only one who proposed him any help despite being disabled and chronically under-employed.

It's pure insanity. There are lots of people who get unwarranted self-esteem of being good people when in reality they are inhuman monsters. It applies to leftoids but also to many Christians.
People confuse having good feelings for people with being good. No, they aren't good, being good requires good deeds and they aren't capable of good deeds any more. They are sick depraved monsters.

We ought to be able to communicate ideas plainly, to be able to tailor or speech or writing to be able to quickly and cleanly communicate information. But the unwitting personality differences, the time of day, the economic factors (it's difficult for anyone acutely suffering to empathise with more vague difficulties, for example), who's had lunch - the sheer scope of it all is utterly towering in a terrifying way.

There's no point. The enemy isn't even human, doesn't have normal human reactions. The enemy sees people as tools instead of seeing them as human beings.
It's a fundamental difference that exists on biological level and is impossible to reconcile.

It's impossible to negotiate or compromise with the enemy.

That's the truth. People don't like truth, but here it is. I no longer care about pretentions of unity or even non-hostility. I'm not someone that has a future. I'm a living ghost.
I don't know how much I have left to live. A two months? Half-a-year? I don't know how much work there will be, how long the credit cards will last.
But the moment food runs out, I'm out, that's the end.

See, that's how it looks, ever since 2012, I'm under constant threat of death. And stuff is getting worse and worse, only 2017 was an exception.
Just look:
.

I don't give a fuck about niceties any more. I'm dead and the world is my mortal enemy.

I say all that as, as Therion's own interests speak plainly: we have absolutely terrible ways for even beginning to accurately and adequately describe psychological difficulties in anything better than fairly mild or sweeping generalisations. It's not to say they're inherently unreliable, but they're certainly very far from perfect.

There are more than sufficient ways of measuring and describing psychological difficulties. It's ableists social Darwinists controlling the society that are the problem.
They already knew in 2003 that I have significant memory and attention problems.

“Psychological examination indicates above average intellectual level, disharmonious development.

Especially significant deficits were detected in language abilities and general informations (which can be connected to frequent absences at school) and graphomotorical skills of the patient. Psychological examination has shown significant deficits in durability of memory traces in fresh visual memory of patient, ability to focus at will and eye-motion coordination.

The deficits indicate presence of organic damage of the central nervous system of the patient.

An incorrectly formed, emotionally dis-regulated personality, incorrect internalisation of social norms (that probably refers to poor school attendance and performance, which was due to symptoms. Jesus Christ, why do psychologists have to be so fucking dumb?) and very high level of generalized anxiety, manifested in numerous somatic symptoms significantly limiting the functioning of the patient (everyday diarrhoea (which recently turned out to be caused by haemorrhoids), shaking body) was detected.

Due to the above anxiety disorders the patient could the patient couldn’t continue studying in day mode (long absences on somatic anxiety disorders background caused failing next classes).

Currently the patient is continuing studying in weekend high school.

Conclusions:

Due to emotional state the patient isn’t qualified to take up work.”

Yeah, that's why they want me dead. They always had everything set up to eventually kill me through malnutrition and lack of access to medicines. I only avoided death so far thanks to my mother, but she had to resort to borrowing money from usurers.

But generally, the ability to describe problems isn't bad. It's actually quite precise except when they do stuff like confusing not being able to get to some places on time due to various factors ranging from health problems to poor executive functioning with disregard for others.
It's general problem with ableists making things. They always think from ableist perspective.

Indeed, I have a vague notion about studying the prevalence of Jungian types but applied to modern theory.

(If memory servers well-known Myers-Briggs only goes on four dimensions, segregating people in a binary way into one or the other end of each spectrum. It's not a terrible job, but because of the effects of, say, hunger, or (non-clinical) anxiety, or stress, one might easily flip about across quite a wide range, the dynamics of which being told you fit one of Sixteen Types of Person doesn't actually provide a huge amount of explanatory power. Indeed, getting caught in that trap seems to be extremely easy. Cross reference: earlier in this thread, where I mentioned the Zimmerman thing years ago.)

MBTI tests are simply bad. I'm studying Pod'Lair which also classifies people in 16 categories, which are very similar to MBTI types but does it basing on gesticulation, facial expressions, etc.
It's more reliable because it doesn't depend on self-reporting and also, it puts people into sensible categories.

For example 50% of politicians are in category corresponding to MBTI ENTJ, 33% are in category corresponding to MBTI ISTJ a 13% are in are in category corresponding to MBTI ISFJ.
MBTI sites put them all over the place completely disregarding how having various cognitive configurations would increase or
decrease their performance as politicians.

The 4 dimensions are a simplification that is the surface layer of the MBTI system. Deeper, there are 8 cognitive functions in 16 possible configurations. Both type tests and function tests are universally awful.

In Jung and MBTI, the primary difference between people is between introverts and extroverts. In Pod'Lair it's between directives and adaptives. It's a rough equivalent of judgers and perceivers in MBTI.
Difference between directives and adaptives is visible in gestures which makes it one of easier to detect.
Gesturing that directives find natural is for example reaching out into common space, pointing things, etc. which would probably relate to leadership without verbal language.

Almost all politicians are directives.

Both dichotomies - directive/adaptive objective/subjective values-based/logic-based directive and usage of specific powers are visible in gesturing and in facial expressions.

Generally, one problem with typologist is that they take some isolated aspects of some people, usually their quotes which may even be something they heard from someone else and found impressive...
And they assign a "type" basing on it.

Check out this site:
https://www.idrlabs.com/infp.php
One of typology authorities

Compare their typings with Pod'Lair reads (I wrote MBTI equivalent of Pod'Lair Mojo and difficulty of sample. A is easiets, almost sure, B is easy side, C is difficuit side, D is difficult):

J.R.R. Tolkien - INFJ - Media Grade: C

John F. Kerry - ISTJ - Media Grade: B

J.K. Rowling - INFJ - Media Grade: B

George R.R. Martin - ENFP - Media Grade: C

John Lennon - INFJ - Media Grade B

Kurt Cobain - INFJ - Media Grade: B

Robert Smith - INFJ - Media Grade: C

Tim Burton - INFJ - Media Grade: C

Johnny Depp - INFJ - Media Grade: B

Nicolas Cage - INFJ - Media Grade: A

Florence Welch - INFJ - Media Grade: C

Bjork - ENTJ - Media Grade: A

Tori Amos - ENTJ - Media Grade: A

Fiona Apple - ENFP - Media Grade: C

Jarvis Cocker - INTP - Media Grade: C

Thom Yorke - INTP - Media Grade: B

Morrissey - INFJ - Media Grade: C

David Lynch - INFJ - Media Grade: C

Terrence Malick - ENTP - Media Grade: D

Andy Warhol - INTP - Media Grade: A

Nicholas Winding Refn - INFJ - Media Grade: D

Robert Pattinson - INFJ - Media Grade: B

Adam Driver - INFJ - Media Grade: C

Heath Ledger - INFJ - Media Grade: C

Mia Wasikowska - ENTP - Media Grade: B

Chloe Sevigny - INTP - Media Grade: B

Mary-Kate Olsen - INTP - Media Grade: C

Jennifer Jason Leigh - ENFP - Media Grade: C

John Mayer - INFJ - Media Grade: A

Regina Spektor - ENTJ - Media Grade: B

Chris Martin - INFJ - Media Grade: B

Hugh Laurie - INTJ - Media Grade: B

Stephen Colbert - ENTP - Media Grade: B

Marlon Brando - INFJ - Media Grade: D

Lana Del Rey - INFP - Media Grade: B (whoa, that's like their first hit!)

Jude Law - ENFJ - Media Grade: A

Basically, the methodology typologist use is listening to a person and saying they are an INFP if they say something vaguely sensitive, individualistic or alienated. What does it have to do with anything, it's insane.
Basically, they treat types like some sort of robots, but mysteriously their typings have no predictive power.

It's hard to do any explanations when assigning types to people with less than random accuracy.

I have found the Pod'Lair knowledge very useful, particularly when it comes to getting myself out of the super deep hole I'm in. It used to be so bad that I'd be constantly exhausted and even unable to talk fluidly but constantly stalling. At least now I can hold a semi-decent conversation because I'm not over-using Si and under-using Ne in conversations and I'm not under-using Fi and over-using Te (for structured speech).

One reason why I dropped wargaming and interest in war and Wh40k and similar stuff is that it led to overusing Si and Te for pretty unproductive purposes. Also, most of that stuff is extremely unclean.

That is: what the actual *clustering* of humanity is on the more reliable (but hardly unassailable) Big 5 Factor model of personality.

Big 5?

Big Five Test Results

Extroversion |||||||||||||| 52%
Orderliness |||||||||| 36%
Emotional Stability |||||| 26%
Accommodation |||||||||| 36%
Inquisitiveness |||||||||||||| 60%

The Big Five is currently the most accepted personality model in the scientific community. The Big Five emerged from the work of multiple independent scientists/researchers starting in the 1950s who using different techniques obtained similar results. Those results were that there are five distinct personality traits/dimensions. Here are your results on each dimension:

Extroversion results were medium which suggests you average somewhere in between being assertive and social and being withdrawn and solitary.

Orderliness results were moderately low which suggests you are, at times, overly flexible, random, scattered, and fun seeking at the expense of structure, reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.

Emotional Stability results were low which suggests you are very worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious.

Accommodation results were moderately low which suggests you are, at times, overly selfish, uncooperative, and difficult at the expense of the well being of others.

Inquisitiveness results were moderately high which suggests you are intellectual, curious, imaginative but possibly not very practical.

Ok. At this point I'm not capable of regularly making a breakfast and I'm supposed to put needs of others first? Basically, most of these tests assume that capability is there and there's no will to do something.
If this test was well done, in my case almost all negative score from Accommodation would come from abrasiveness.
But there would probably be a stat like executive functioning or something where I'd have, like 10-20%.

Whole "SLUEI" type description sounds like traumatized ENFP, perhaps INFJ too:
http://similarminds.com/global5/sluei.html

I think that the biggest advantage of BIG5 over MBTI is that the answers somewhat directly feed the variables, even if there are interpretation problems while MBTI tries assigning special meaning to certain configurations of variables where error can appear not only in assigning the variables but also in interpretation as being a sign of a specific type, not various other factors.

How common do certain combinations occur, with work (e.g. CBT, self-help, rigid stereotypical beatings to "build character") how much can anyone deviate or ammend their own tendencies?

One theory that I have is that two weaker psychological functions (3rd and 4th) are most vulnerable to disruption.
For example in having smaller hippocampus increases risk of PTSD. I wouldn't be surprised if smaller hippocampus is related to having Introverted Sensing on further position as both are responsible for memory and recall. In case of ENFP it's already on 4th position.
So, generally in case of XNFPs abuse is probably more likely to lead to loss of productivity than in other types (because starting off not entirely in physical world due to Extroverted Intuition which usually translates into some degree of dyspraxia and Extroverted Thinking being harder to access even when healthy).

I came to conclusion about purpose of psychological liquidation because of the gymnast case. I've seen a post on tumblr by an ex-gymnast that said that stuff like sexual abuse of 150 girls by one man was possible because there's a culture of psychological abuse in gymnastics, where coaches regularly psychologically abuse girls until they are in tears.
Interesting thing is that 24 of 25 read female gymnasts is ESTPs, interesting side note - over half of porn actresses are ESTPs.
I know that for example ENTJs are seriously over-represented both in Politics and in Activism and Crime. So, I assume ENTJs subjected to psychological liquidation don't make good slaves due to tendency to rebel/become anti-social. Except they don't lose much of productivity because they have dominant Te.

Funny thing that you mention therapy.

Another thing that I recently realised, is that I was in therapy for about 3 years...

And I wasn’t taught a single coping technique.

It’s simply amazing.

I was I was individual therapy for about 2 years, before that in individual therapy in the end of primary school, later in group therapy for some time and it was same shit. It was basically talking about one’s problems, getting some understanding but zero real help with dealing with it.

I don’t know if there was some massive advance since 1999-2003 or if mental health system here simply sucks.

Most of effective copying strategies that I learned were from the internet. Like in 2014 I learned how to do mindfulness of breathing meditation from a book recommended by two practitioners of Buddhist meditation, then around the end of 2015 I learned spirit-forming from Pod'Lair. Though the last one is rather exotic stuff.

Lately things have been changing.

One thing is that I removed a lot of filth from my life - pornography, fascination with war, wargaming, I sold vast majority of my library of military history books - which costed me 4k pln to amass over years in the first place.
Now I have much more novels and comic books.

I'm feeling much more confident in my values and generally, I'm more myself - closer to myself from before the neo-nazi attacks 2005 (I think that's when I started seriously over-using Te and Si), though elevated, purified.

Of course, it would be easy if I could just sit down and study that with no interference or distraction, but it turns out I'm easily distracted.

Even from things that I want and/or enjoy!

For some reason I always suspect you of being an ENTP - if you are one, it's dominant Ne + inferior Si. With possible extra damage making Si extra wonky.

-----------------

I started the next MOOC - UBCx: HtC2x How to Code: Complex Data. Finished all the lectures from the first module, coding along with them and I feel burned out. I have a quite awful day today. Mostly going between pain, rage and general tiredness.

I started a W3C MOOC for front-end-development. Maybe making a JavaScript program that implements the stuff I learned about systematic program design will help.

There's something about web design/web development crowd that seriously gets on my nerves. Like I can't imagine myself actually doing this and don't find any commonality with it. It's just not me.

Didn't have such impression when doing the Systematic Program Design course.

The highlight of the last week was putting finishing the first how to code course and its final project on my resume.

I can't help a distinct impression is that it's for people who see a Mac and the first thing that doesn't pop up for them isn't glare on their horrible glossy screens. I don't understand how it's possible for people to look at Mac screens and not realise how horrible they are for eyes.

I was thinking lately, about how I live this fake miserable life. It's not my real life. My real life without psychological liquidation:
- 2003 Finishing High School.
- 2003 Starting Studying Computer Science
- 2006 Engineering Degree In Computer Science
- 2008 Masters Degree in Computer Science.

10 years of work as programmer, possibly game developer.

It was all stolen from me without any compensation but instead a decade and a half of the world trying to kill me. I hate people so much.

[ScruffyLIRR]

Well... 13-15 years ago I was a hot-headed member on the old forum and had alot of opinions and was not always diplomatic about it. Now, LordInquisitorRelmarRycard, aka LIRR, nowadays ScruffyLIRR, has two kids and work as a security-guard of all things. So here we are, back at it again and having returned to the scene of the crime.

[ScruffyLIRR]

Oh, btw... Im not sure why I couldnt log in on my old account. Any Admin willing to help?

[Xisor]

Should be able to take a look at *somepoint* (am out of the country on an emergency, definitely not an intensely orchestrated plot to get some free time to read The Magos...), but always happy to see folks back in any event!

[Therion]

MODXISOR: Language and imagery not at all appropriate; heavily edited. This is not a punching bag; it's also not Sanity Lost.

Everything was set up in 96-98 when I was subjected to especially vicious psychological liquidation by two abusers that specifically targeted me.
That's when my disability started and my school career and conventional career was basically over.

Like, in 2004, my memory and attention problems were already visible in psychological tests and school performance but I was till able to some hard work.
For example in 2002-2004 I was learning sculpting, though I had access to internet only since 2004. In 2004, I was spending 7 hours a day sculpting and painting, experimenting with various materials, etc.


I made these in 2004. These are ones that are SFW. Was making Slaanesh army. I don't know why I even thought it's a good idea.

I also learned modding IE games. It was very demanding, required printing out, like 700 pages of documentation and tutorials, including for example this - had all the BG2 Effects and Scripting info printed out. Hundreds upon hundreds of pages of technical info. And I've read it. I've read it all and applied it to making mods which gave me reputation on Polish modding scene. As in I was highly regarded by a guy that was working with a whole team on a mod that was supposed to be a spiritual successor to Planescape: Torment and a guy that became a professional game translator.

It's amazing what I was capable of doing back then. Of course the society had to take it all from me. In September 2005, I was attacked by neo-nazis multiple times and it just got worse. I had violent nightmares every night for two years, hypervigilance when outside, but most importantly I started having these memory and attention problems that I have to this day, that basically ended any chance for a career that I had.

I don't know, counting the effects of psychological liquidation on high school, they stole about 500k pln from me so far. Maybe even Euro because it's possible I'd emigrate.

In 2004 I wrote a 3000 word fan fiction/satire on social ills.
It was very light and humorous.

Also, I’ve read my posts from 2004-2005 and they were much lighter. Like, life was shit, but there wasn’t that extreme darkness that is in it now.
Lots of my thoughts are extremely dark.One braking point was the attacks of 2005.Another was the copyrightists saga of 2011-2012.These contrasts. Between depressed but still humorous in 2004-2005 and then the trauma and obsession with exterminating violent criminals.

Reading my college notes - lots of notes + concept art for my mods. Then since November 2011, hateful deamonic faces and brutal torture and killing of copyrightists (it was about them getting their special 20x compensations for someone using their creations while I got 0 for the sick abuse that I was subjected by my father - trying to starve me through not paying child support, keeping me poor and stressed out in childhood through hiding his incomes, etc.) by armoured figures.

I have hard time writing nowadays, barely reaching few hundreds of words, almost never finishing anything.

Like I had so much potential, everything stolen from me. Except that I still can judge, I still have moral clarity, I still can hate.

[Therion]

I watched a ted talk about burnout and PTSD today.

Pretty much what I was talking about all these years. Psychological liquidation of individuals by the society causing fatigue, irritability, inability to concentrate, frequent illnesses, insomnia, etc. Then lying normies blaming victims.

Of course I'm a step above all these researchers because I actually created the true morality - that victims of psychological liquidation must receive awesome compensations and high quality help in recovery and disabled victims of psychological liquidation must receive generous disability pensions proportional to native IQ.

It's something they are unable to conceive because they aren't as morally gifted and dedicated to truth as me.

Most of people fanatically hate justice, that's why they believe one shouldn't blame others for one's problems. That's how you have so many psychiatrists/psychologists listing all how other people caused mental disorders in someone but then they do 360 and talk about how the person subjected to psychological liquidation is responsible for being damaged and unable to do some things. It's contradiction that comes from their thoughtless, fanatical immoral beliefs. They aren't even ignorant, they are pure inhuman evil.

[Therion]

I’ve read some posts of neo-nazis on a local major gaming site today.

Feeling sick. They didn’t even get banned. It reminded me how I became so open to extermination of whole groups of people.

So, they were harassing me since I started high school. And 2003-2005, they attacked me 3 times. Like one Nazi one time in 2003, then another two times in 2005. I escaped each time without any injuries, but I started feeling much worse.

Started having hypervigilance, my concentration problems have became much worse, memory problems too. That’s when I realised that not everything with a human face is a human.

So, I realised, I won’t be safe until, the enemy forces are removed. So, certain groups of people, namely violent criminals shouldn’t exist, shouldn’t pollute the streets and the schools. Because world should be a good place.

So, I was promoting extermination of violent criminals, that I called subhumans.

Lots of people hated me for it, because they loved the unclean world, loved dangerous streets, loved to live in violent society, where all these violent hostile groups need to live on one territory.

I realised that my life means nothing to them. They just want their precious violent criminals to pollute the streets. To me they were problem that needs to be solved. To them problems shouldn’t be solved.

It was like this, 2006-2010. Then I met one guy that convinced me that capital punishment kills innocent people. Of course a widespread extermination programme would be even worse.

Meanwhile, in 2005, I was training Krav Maga. I gained some muscle mass, also learned how to be prepared when outside and Nazis are cowards so they don’t attack someone who won’t run away, so the attacks ended.

Even though I encountered one of the Nazis several times.

But two things that remained is, aggression when it comes to dealing with enemies and and desire to destroy the threat.

And after I was disabled, the threat was normies. First individual ableist employers, students, family court, my father, etc. that wouldn’t accommodate for my disability.

Then the society as whole because I realised that it’s a fight for survival - who will be allowed to live and who will die and who isn’t a part of my support group is an enemy in fight for resources - like workplaces, contracts, etc. - in 2013. That’s when the problem of “innocence” essentially stopped existing.

Later I came up with all that stuff with compensations - essentially how can the society repent after subjecting an individual to psychological liquidation - it was after I talked with some anti who claimed that morality exists and killing people is bad despite that normies love killing victims of psychological liquidation through homelessness, starvation and denial of healthcare.

I actually knew that compensations need to be paid in 2007, when I was debating on a forum for mentally disordered people and there were lots of people who were subjected to psychological liquidation in family or at school and work and basically their health problems were the fault of the outside world, not something that developed by itself.

Of course normies hate us and hate justice so they fanatically oppose stuff like compensations. They even deny existence of disabilities.