The Year We Fell [40K Group story]

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Re: The Year We Fell [40K Group story]

Postby Corrigan Phoenix » Fri Apr 12, 2013 8:07 pm

Nice outline there matey.

Yeah Wynn is (at the time of the insurrection) in training to be a Primaris Psyker in the Peerguard. I'd like to think her career progress has been slowed/halted by her enemies within the Guilded Seers, and thus her sudden advancement is part of the fuel that feeds their opposition.

I would say she isn't placed into the Peerguard after the insurrection- rather she is given Primaris status and granted an ad-hoc position as liaison to the freed prisoners/Xenos from the Black Ship. What do you think?
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Re: The Year We Fell [40K Group story]

Postby Ghurlag » Fri Apr 12, 2013 8:36 pm

That seems to fit her arc quite well, yes.

That reminds me. LL, is it 'Gilded Seers' (as in dressed in gold) or 'Guilded Seers' (as in seers organised into a guild?).

As the misty veil of Albion is cast aside, we turn our gaze to the war-torn island of Albany, where the Red King vies with his former master for the control of a realm in dire threat.
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Re: The Year We Fell [40K Group story]

Postby Corrigan Phoenix » Fri Apr 12, 2013 8:39 pm

That's my bad- it is actually Gilded I believe...not Guilded as my phone autocorrected to!
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Re: The Year We Fell [40K Group story]

Postby LordLucan » Fri Apr 12, 2013 11:19 pm

I picture the seers wearing golden chains and jewelery denoting their office; as you rise through the ranks, you get more golden additions to your robes, until the highest ranking seers seem to wear more gold than anything else, and have glitteirng golden masks.

Also Ghurlag, taht is a good summary of what we have so far. It seems to be fitting together well at the moment.

EDIT: One point I thinkw e should cover. What will the format of the story be? I'm thinking that we have chapters titled by an Imperial date, so that each chapter feels like part of a countdown for every character.
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Re: The Year We Fell [40K Group story]

Postby Ghurlag » Fri Apr 12, 2013 11:30 pm

I'm not sure about that - it could get tricky to keep the exact chronology in line (what with the way the imperial dates don't correspond to actual days). Perhaps a local dating system? Something like 'Day of the X' could let us come up with some relevant titles.

Where is the narrative going to start? Are we going to begin with the Inquisitor's arrival? If so, I have a sketchy idea for a writing schedule (or should we be doing something else first?).

As the misty veil of Albion is cast aside, we turn our gaze to the war-torn island of Albany, where the Red King vies with his former master for the control of a realm in dire threat.
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Re: The Year We Fell [40K Group story]

Postby schaferwhat‽ » Fri Apr 12, 2013 11:51 pm

Imperial Date and a local calendar "Day of the X" sounds like a good way forward.

I thought the story would start after the downing of the black ship (and presumably after the hammer of Imperial justice lands its blow). Something like a week or two after that happened. Everyone is still reeling from what happened, no one knows what is going on or what to think. Some elements will be trying to exploit the issue to their own gains (including some cult leaders) and others would be pulled along by the momentum of the unfolding events.
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Re: The Year We Fell [40K Group story]

Postby LordLucan » Sat Apr 13, 2013 12:07 am

schaf: We could start there, but I wonder if we could get across the spontaneous nature of the black ship attack that way? We'd be able to convey the confusion of the situation, but if we had it starting with the Inquisitor's planetary visit, we could get some exposition of the planet, as his staff make a note of the world and its nature. Then again, we could always reveal the planet gradually through the character POVs.

I love the "Day of the X" as chapter titles. Perhaps the Imperial date would be a bit awkward (what with its 1000 year fragments and suchlike).

EDIT: What do you mean by 'after the hammer of Imperial justice lands its blow' schaf? Wouldn't the blow come from the Balfayre natives attackign the ship?
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Re: The Year We Fell [40K Group story]

Postby Corrigan Phoenix » Sat Apr 13, 2013 12:10 am

Imperial date and corresponding local "Day of X" sounds good to me- we could add a third "X days until Imperial Retaliation Force reaches Balfayre" or something like.

Don't know if we're doing pre-/current Black Ship attack, but I know LL said about between the attack and the Imperial's response arriving (as we attempt to gather allies and coordinate a defence).


Quite like the idea of building the tension within the Inquisitors visit actually...then bang we attack the Black Ship! :O
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Re: The Year We Fell [40K Group story]

Postby schaferwhat‽ » Sat Apr 13, 2013 12:20 am

Hammer of Imperial justice is the Arbites response to the planetary authorities blowing up a vessel of the Adeptus Terra. Later Imperial hammers will be of vengeance and other such notions.

Do we want to get lost in prologue?

Narratively the story being pitched is the lives of x characters as the world falls. Who cares what the Inquisitor and his staff think? That has no relevance, or very little. It is easy enough to have the characters reference the notion the Inquisitor wanted them all dead, it is why they killed him and everyone else. Focusing on the inquisitors reasoning gives value to his reasoning. We want the characters to be sympathetic (at times) for the harsh treatment that will be coming towards the end of the story when the Imperium turns up to deal with things to seem over the top and unjust (in some contexts). For that to stand we need to write off the Inquisitor as a fanatic and a lunatic. A threat that had to be stopped for humane reasons. Easier to do that when he is dead and he is just the monster of peoples memory. Maybe even a false memory as they try to convince themselves that the action they took was for the best.
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Re: The Year We Fell [40K Group story]

Postby LordLucan » Sat Apr 13, 2013 12:23 am

Corrigan Phoenix wrote:Imperial date and corresponding local "Day of X" sounds good to me- we could add a third "X days until Imperial Retaliation Force reaches Balfayre" or something like.


Perhaps not the last bit. The Imperial fleet wouldn't know its exact arrival time, let alone the Balfayrians. The warp is a fickle mistress after all. ;)

Don't know if we're doing pre-/current Black Ship attack, but I know LL said about between the attack and the Imperial's response arriving (as we attempt to gather allies and coordinate a defence).


That's what the story overall will cover I think. The main action set sequences being the black ship attack/Imperial Complex assualt, and the finale being the big

Quite like the idea of building the tension within the Inquisitors visit actually...then bang we attack the Black Ship! :O


That could make for an exciting opening chapter actually. The first day, covered by the different POV characters, at different points in the day.

We could combine these actually. The opening of the High parliamentarian's story could be set int he confusing aftermath of the Black ship assault. he's getting conflicting reports; someone's dead, naval guns have been fired, the Imperial complex is ablaze, etc.

Then, when we get to Wynn's POV section, where the PDF are mobilised suddenly; enemy ship has been crippled in orbit close to Balfayre, her orders are to secure the ship, eliminate any threats to balfayre, and secure prisoners.

Then, finally, we have a POV set during the Inquisitor's visit, depicting just how the Inquisitor died, and how it sparked off everything which happened in the chapter.

A sort of reverse order of events. The readers are left initially confused, but as the POVs change, they realise what happened, and it becomes clear; reflecting the bewildered state of the 'heretics'.
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Re: The Year We Fell [40K Group story]

Postby LordLucan » Sat Apr 13, 2013 12:27 am

schaferwhat‽ wrote:Hammer of Imperial justice is the Arbites response to the planetary authorities blowing up a vessel of the Adeptus Terra. Later Imperial hammers will be of vengeance and other such notions.


I see, nevermind.

Do we want to get lost in prologue?

Narratively the story being pitched is the lives of x characters as the world falls. Who cares what the Inquisitor and his staff think? That has no relevance, or very little.


I agree with this. We won't have the Inquisitor depicted, but we have to make clear that balfayre isn't going rogue just because it feels like it. We have to make it clear this Inquisitor (stupidly) threatened their world with destruction, to their faces, and forced thme to act.

I think we need to make that opening attack on the black ship seem liek the 'right' thing to do, from their perspective. We can't have them seem like villains, otherwise the point of the story is lost.
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Re: The Year We Fell [40K Group story]

Postby Ghurlag » Sat Apr 13, 2013 12:31 am

schafe: I don't think it'll be too much prologue, and showing the Inquisitor before the judgement doesn't necessarily make him sympathetic (not that that I think it's a bad thing if he is. Life is complex, he was doing his job [his job is enforcer of an evil galactic empire, mind]).

LL's idea is an interesting way to handle the lead in, it might work. I was thinking of a scene where the Inquisitor reviews the Admec activity on Balfayre, which could cover the ongoing debate around his visit and lead in to second-hand reports of the fighting in the Imperial compound.

As the misty veil of Albion is cast aside, we turn our gaze to the war-torn island of Albany, where the Red King vies with his former master for the control of a realm in dire threat.
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Re: The Year We Fell [40K Group story]

Postby LordLucan » Sat Apr 13, 2013 12:40 am

Ghurlag wrote:
LL's idea is an interesting way to handle the lead in, it might work. I was thinking of a scene where the Inquisitor reviews the Admec activity on Balfayre, which could cover the ongoing debate around his visit and lead in to second-hand reports of the fighting in the Imperial compound.


That would fit.

So I tihnk we need to first work out what exactly transpires, then we can muddy the waters slightly when we write our characters' experiences of this event from different locations and times.
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Re: The Year We Fell [40K Group story]

Postby schaferwhat‽ » Sat Apr 13, 2013 12:45 am

Sure moving around time and what not works (there is always flashbacks and what not). I guess I got carried away with the "The Year We Fell" title. The concept of them not being heretics, just being human and striking out against the imperium out of a sense of self preservation and then by the time the Imperium arrives (a year later) they have become for a variety of reasons the thing they never meant to be and weren't at the time the Inquisitor declared them heretics.
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Re: The Year We Fell [40K Group story]

Postby Ghurlag » Sat Apr 13, 2013 12:52 am

I'm throwing out some ideas for the timeline in the shoutbox. Do come heckle me and boo things.

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Re: The Year We Fell [40K Group story]

Postby LordLucan » Sat Apr 13, 2013 12:53 am

schaferwhat‽ wrote:The concept of them not being heretics, just being human and striking out against the imperium out of a sense of self preservation and then by the time the Imperium arrives (a year later) they have become for a variety of reasons the thing they never meant to be and weren't at the time the Inquisitor declared them heretics.


This is exactly what I want too. I just thought the opening chapter could depict the events which get him and his black ship destroyed. I don't envision this sequence being more than a chapter long, so I don't think it will overshadow the real focus of the story; the year of desperate compromise and mistakes that turn the Inquisitor's declaration into a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I don't think we need to include the Inquisitor himself at all in the opening chapter. He could appear in flashbacks possibly, if one of your characters thinks back to him at some point later on in the story.

The main body of the story remains the year in between the Black ship fall and the arrival of the Imperial Retribution crusade.
Check out my debut fantasy novel from Fox Spirit Books, The Hobgoblin's Herald (https://www.amazon.co.uk/Hobgoblins-Herald-R-Aston/dp/1910462047). If you've read it, please rate and review it on amazon; I'd be eternally grateful. The sequel, Eater of Names, is out in 2018, so watch this space.
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Re: The Year We Fell [40K Group story]

Postby Ghurlag » Sat Apr 13, 2013 1:59 am

Okay, so here's what me and LL threw together on the Shoutbox for the series of events surrounding the uprising.

The Inquisitor arrives with the Black Ship. From the moment the vessel reaches orbit, the Seer Council know that something bad is approaching. The Inquisitor shuttles down to the planet, is received with due honour, and relates the demand for the Imperial tithe of Balfayran psyker children to the Queen-Governor/Parliament. He instructs them to manage the logistics of complying, while he attends to his secondary business - a review of Imperial facilities on Balfayre. Parliament falls into a frantic debate over what to do about this demand, and what to tell the public.

One of his early stops is the Ad-Mech research station where Madak (my POV) is stationed. At this point, rumour is spreading about the purpose of his visit, but it's not really hit home. My idea is to have Madak later hear scattered accounts of the bits which come after this.

The Inquisitor continues his tour, heading into the capital city (we need a name). He stops off to review the progress of the Imperial Creed and see the tenor of the local preachers. By now, official reports have confirmed rumour, and the population are recoiling in horror. An aggrieved father sees the Inquisitor and confronts him. The confrontation turns violent, and the Inquisitor kills the man in self-defence. But a gathering crowd sees only the man who wants to take their children away killing a citizen in the street. Horror turns to anger.

Fleeing a hostile public for the safety of the Imperial compound and the nearby spaceport, the Inquisitor, believing he's seeing a hostile heretical uprising, composes some harsh orders for the Black Ship in orbit. Those orders are intercepted by lthe communications network, and brought to the attention of an emergency sitting of Parliament. They decide they must act now, before he succeeds in raising the Black Ship and something horrible occurrs. (This is the vote schafe's character abstained from) They order the orbital defences to cripple the ship and knock out its power systems, hoping to contain the situation.

On the surface, the Inquisitor reaches the Arbites with reports of a hostile crowd. A riot has started in the city, fearful, vengeful and concerned citizens pursuing the Inquisitor to the walls of the Imperial compound. The Arbites deploy against the rioters. They call in the Peerguard to help contain the riot, and Parliament, hoping to defuse the situation, agree to this. But the Peerguard's sympathies lie more with the crowd, and they are unwilling to harm relatives and friends to defend an offworld tyrant.

The Inquisitor tries to get the Astropaths to send an urgent communique, but they are under psychic attack from elements of the population, a mass effort at psychic jamming to prevent them getting word out. The orbital defences turn on the Black Ship as ordered, and the flash of weapons-fire in the night sky distracts many. An Astropath gets the message out.

Tensions around the Imperial compound escalate. An Arbite fires into the crowd, and the Peerguard turn against them rather than fire on their own people. The walls of the compound fall, and the rioters pour in. What Arbites survive pull back in retreat. The Inquisitor meets a gruesome fate, as do many innocents.

Meanwhile,a different taskforce of Peerguard has been sent to board the crippled Black Ship and escort the crew planetside (this is Wynn's first POV under LL's scheme). What they find on board is a horrifying running battle. When the power to the ship was cut, many of the defences holding the most dangerous prisoners were disrupted, and they broke out. The boarding crew ends up killing most of those they encounter, including the nulls that they've never encountered before, and deranged psykers. A questionmark hangs over those few they do manage to salvage from the ship.

This where the scene opens to where we had schafe's character's initial POV under LL's scheme - the aftermath. The capital's still a shaky place, with violence against Imperials likely, and the underground remnants of the Arbites threatening reprisals. Parliament is slowly adjusting to the fact that the Imperium will respond to the Inquisitor's Astropathic communication, and starting to turn to the idea of defence.

As the misty veil of Albion is cast aside, we turn our gaze to the war-torn island of Albany, where the Red King vies with his former master for the control of a realm in dire threat.
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Re: The Year We Fell [40K Group story]

Postby Corrigan Phoenix » Sat Apr 13, 2013 9:51 am

I'm happy with all this so far- so what would the exact writing order be? How many posts each are we thinking for the prologue?

And the Inquisitors end has to be VERY gruesome
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Re: The Year We Fell [40K Group story]

Postby schaferwhat‽ » Sat Apr 13, 2013 1:28 pm

Sorry for the lack of info, busy morning of errand running so didn't get to codify all the thoughts and notes I developed last night. (Essentially sketching out how the parliament is structured, how society is structured class wise, notions on the material wealth of the planet (if a challenge is relationships with other planets then we need to be deficient in some things needed to maintain life quality and have pre-existing trade established) and what not.

The only issue I have is the turning of the peerguard. I'd rather it was less just turned by public opinion so much as a more proactive response. The parliament won't be idiots, they shot at a Black Ship. Whilst at the face of it the Peer guard are deployed to help maintain the peace they're also there to contain any elements that could still pose a threat to the Parliament and the people. The inquisitor being the main one but everyone else in the Imperial Compound is a potential threat if they learn of the initial act of aggression. Yes the bulk of the rank and file will be conflicted between their duty and their siding with the populace but the commanders of the peerguard will be having various orders barked from various sources to make things more confused hence leading to the inevitable.
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Re: The Year We Fell [40K Group story]

Postby LordLucan » Sat Apr 13, 2013 1:31 pm

Thank's a fair point. The commanders would have slightly more cynical motives than the rank and file.
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