The Year We Fell [40K Group story]

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Re: The Year We Fell [40K Group story]

Postby Corrigan Phoenix » Tue Apr 16, 2013 7:23 am

Nice one Ghurlag- I had an awesome image in my head then of an Imperial army advancing through a foresty valley, getting to a certain point and hearing a gathering whisper- like a curtain of rain approaching.

Like a wave across the valley from furthest to right next to them, millions of treerats eyes light up terminator-style as their neuro links are fired up in preparation for the attack.


I really like the idea of the unconventional warfare- using what you have. Defence-wise there's not a lot that can be done in a year- maybe a repositioning of some orbital platforms to next to translation points for ambush purposes- perhaps like I said the Gilded Seers scatter a few astropaths on ships throughout the system to try and intercept the Imperiala signals better. If the rogue trader that visits is escorted by a couple of lighter ships we could have the Balfayrians kill the other ships - the Mechanicum would then swarm over these for scrap metals for the servitor production lines - and attempt to employ the RT to go get help/supplies.

He could even bring us a spy or two if the Imperials are devious enough...

The Gilded Seers could organise a large ritual to attempt to create a warp storm or at least warp turbulence in the region to slow other ships- like a mass assembly where the stronger seers guide the lesser ones.

Perhaps logically they might try to evac some of their non-combat kin underground or to a different system- maybe part of what they try to get the RT to do for them.

Obviously gather allies- one of the dodgier freed prisoners could be a very dark number that ends up influencing the Council with pre-emptive ideas that their more innocent minds wouldn't have thought of? Sowing the translation points with debris left over from the Mech's in-system mining efforts?


I'll keep thinking...
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Re: The Year We Fell [40K Group story]

Postby Corrigan Phoenix » Tue Apr 16, 2013 7:31 am

Additional; there could be an asteroid/moon/small planet-based prison that the Balfayrians decide to open up and press-gang the incarcerated into service- an ad-hoc regiment they'd have then!
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Re: The Year We Fell [40K Group story]

Postby Ghurlag » Tue Apr 16, 2013 1:47 pm

Some good ideas there, CP. Repositioning the system-wide defence platforms is a good idea, because otherwise the Imperium may well know where they are. Regarding the Rouge Trader, any attack on him would probably be as he was leaving (refusing to do as asked?).

I like the idea of the Gilded Seers trying to stir up the warp. Perhaps they do that after the RT has left, when it becomes obvious that an expedition will be mounted against them. They want to delay the attack as much as possible, give them more time to prepare.

I like the thought of press-ganged prisoners, but more broadly, I think we'll see conscription coming into force for all males of service age, with new regiments of Peerguard being drummed up. This could lead to all sorts of interesting societal unrest and troubles.

Sowing translation points with mines is a good idea defensively, but one thing we have to consider is whether the Balfayrans have any out-system allies that they have to allow access.

As the misty veil of Albion is cast aside, we turn our gaze to the war-torn island of Albany, where the Red King vies with his former master for the control of a realm in dire threat.
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Re: The Year We Fell [40K Group story]

Postby LordLucan » Tue Apr 16, 2013 4:08 pm

Corrigan Phoenix wrote:Additional; there could be an asteroid/moon/small planet-based prison that the Balfayrians decide to open up and press-gang the incarcerated into service- an ad-hoc regiment they'd have then!


Love that idea!
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Re: The Year We Fell [40K Group story]

Postby Corrigan Phoenix » Tue Apr 16, 2013 6:58 pm

Thanks guys!

Conscription seems a definite route that they would take - if not by that name then maybe under another guise. The GS's could have a whole propaganda campaign saying that the Imperium has turned on them and "if you do not fight for your loved ones/planet/job, who will?" type thing.

The mines at the jump points would be a balancing act that could well influence a lot of debate across the wider council and associate rulers - do we sow the mines early to be sure of having enough there to sufficiently defend ourselves and risk the chance our allies will get hurt, or do we sow them closer to the estimated time of attack so our allies can definitely reach us, but run the risk of the Imperials arriving early and unopposed?

On the orbital platform front - they'd want to put some further out to directly counter the incoming traffic, whilst rearrange others to direct where they flow of incoming ground troops will land - i.e. Balfayre knows it cannot defeat the Imperium in the skies, so it will look to funnel the Guard into certain regions of the planet.

Perhaps there can be some form of unofficial guerrilla force formed from some of the peerguard/conscripts to directly ambush/slow the Guards efforts when they first land? Every minute of preparation helps kinda thing.

***************************

For later on in the story, I'd like to put up the idea that some GS council members may start to think of "what next"? "If we win, the Imperium will strike back once more, even harder, so where do we go?" We could sow some of those preliminary ideas/discussions/arguments into the later dialogue somewhere, to add even more tension.
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Re: The Year We Fell [40K Group story]

Postby Corrigan Phoenix » Tue Apr 16, 2013 7:00 pm

This later tension can also be hinted upon earlier - do we sacrifice all the space craft we can muster by ret-conning them into fire ships / single-gun ships, or keep some back just in case we win and need a way off the planet?
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Re: The Year We Fell [40K Group story]

Postby Ghurlag » Tue Apr 16, 2013 7:18 pm

I suppose one question is how well do we want it all to go? Do the Imperium turn up only to find Balfayre almost collapsing under the issues it's been facing, or do they pull through to a fighting fitness which could see them triumph?

As the misty veil of Albion is cast aside, we turn our gaze to the war-torn island of Albany, where the Red King vies with his former master for the control of a realm in dire threat.
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Re: The Year We Fell [40K Group story]

Postby LordLucan » Tue Apr 16, 2013 7:41 pm

Ghurlag wrote:I suppose one question is how well do we want it all to go? Do the Imperium turn up only to find Balfayre almost collapsing under the issues it's been facing, or do they pull through to a fighting fitness which could see them triumph?


I don't think they should triumph no. I like the idea of Balfayre being in anarchy when the Imperium arrive, but they still put up one hell of a fight. Balfayre would lose, but ultimately, the story won't be about whether the planet holds out or not, it's about what happens to the individuals involved. The fate sof your POV characters and those they interact with is up to you.

Don't get too hung up on the final battle just yet anyway.
Check out my debut fantasy novel from Fox Spirit Books, The Hobgoblin's Herald (https://www.amazon.co.uk/Hobgoblins-Herald-R-Aston/dp/1910462047). If you've read it, please rate and review it on amazon; I'd be eternally grateful. The sequel, Eater of Names, is out in 2018, so watch this space.
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Re: The Year We Fell [40K Group story]

Postby Ghurlag » Tue Apr 16, 2013 7:42 pm

Well, true. We still haven't written the start of it all.

As the misty veil of Albion is cast aside, we turn our gaze to the war-torn island of Albany, where the Red King vies with his former master for the control of a realm in dire threat.
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Re: The Year We Fell [40K Group story]

Postby LordLucan » Tue Apr 16, 2013 7:57 pm

Ghurlag: Feel free to write your chapter section for group perusal if you feel able to at this point. We have a lot of the background now, so you could feisibly do it. It might actualy help the rest of us, as we can see an example of 'Balfayre in action' as it were, and your part can provide some secondary characters which can crossover into other writers' parts eventually, like say if one of the Tech Priests introduced in Madak's part appear later before the Queen, while schaf's guys witnesses it. It's tie the hwole story together well I think.

By the way, how's this for a chapter title?:


Year: 877.M41

Day One - The Day of the Uprising


We keep the same year for each chapter, but change the Day, then give a 'The Day of ______', describing succinctly what the day is about.

(Incidentally: Do you think we should namecheck each POV, like they do in A Song of Ice and Fire?)
Check out my debut fantasy novel from Fox Spirit Books, The Hobgoblin's Herald (https://www.amazon.co.uk/Hobgoblins-Herald-R-Aston/dp/1910462047). If you've read it, please rate and review it on amazon; I'd be eternally grateful. The sequel, Eater of Names, is out in 2018, so watch this space.
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Re: The Year We Fell [40K Group story]

Postby Ghurlag » Tue Apr 16, 2013 8:02 pm

LL: I might well do that. *cracks open a text editor*

I think the character headings could be a nice touch, just to situate the reader through the early chapters and where a less-frequent character turns up. The chapter title format looks good to me,

As the misty veil of Albion is cast aside, we turn our gaze to the war-torn island of Albany, where the Red King vies with his former master for the control of a realm in dire threat.
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Re: The Year We Fell [40K Group story]

Postby LordLucan » Tue Apr 16, 2013 8:11 pm

I look forward to seeing what you come up with Ghur. :)
Check out my debut fantasy novel from Fox Spirit Books, The Hobgoblin's Herald (https://www.amazon.co.uk/Hobgoblins-Herald-R-Aston/dp/1910462047). If you've read it, please rate and review it on amazon; I'd be eternally grateful. The sequel, Eater of Names, is out in 2018, so watch this space.
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Re: The Year We Fell [40K Group story]

Postby Corrigan Phoenix » Wed Apr 17, 2013 8:22 am

Name check? Could you show the example with it in just so I'm clear please? Other than that the date format looks cool to me.

EDIT: For the "end" as it were, I would say that Balfayre could be falling to pieces when the Imperium arrives, and it is there arrival and subsequent attack that forges the Balfayrians into a cohesive "whole" (with a few striving to fight against the now-open rebellion).

2nd EDIT: I'll have a loose outline for Wynn's first piece up later today
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Re: The Year We Fell [40K Group story]

Postby LordLucan » Wed Apr 17, 2013 3:16 pm

An example of a name check?


Ok, here's an example.


Year: 877.M41

Day [Number] - The Day of [Event]



Alun


He listened to the prisoner beg under Sergeant Ketresh's bladed scourge. Alun hated the Sergeant of the so-called 'Spiders' with a passion, but he had little choice in tolerating the odious, scrawny guardsman; the Inquisitor appreciated the man's skill at making captive sing. The Inquisitor was the closest thing to the ultimate authority Makard was likely to [...]

###

Wynn


The last of the munitions carts were loaded and sealed. But Wynn still didn't feel like they were prepared; what she had faced on the psyker slave ship... who could be prepared for such things? Nevertheless, it was her job to [...]



And so on. Each time we change POV witihn a chapter, we just put the character's name at the start.
Check out my debut fantasy novel from Fox Spirit Books, The Hobgoblin's Herald (https://www.amazon.co.uk/Hobgoblins-Herald-R-Aston/dp/1910462047). If you've read it, please rate and review it on amazon; I'd be eternally grateful. The sequel, Eater of Names, is out in 2018, so watch this space.
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Re: The Year We Fell [40K Group story]

Postby Corrigan Phoenix » Wed Apr 17, 2013 3:59 pm

Ah cool- just wanted to clarify. Awesome stuff.
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Re: The Year We Fell [40K Group story]

Postby LordLucan » Wed Apr 17, 2013 11:57 pm

I kind of splurged and wrote Alun's opening section. Shall i post it up here, or wait until we get to an appropriate point to slot it in? It is basically just a part about Rusarl's initial recruiting of him and his decimated Drop Legion regiment, and an introduction to some of his regiment.
Check out my debut fantasy novel from Fox Spirit Books, The Hobgoblin's Herald (https://www.amazon.co.uk/Hobgoblins-Herald-R-Aston/dp/1910462047). If you've read it, please rate and review it on amazon; I'd be eternally grateful. The sequel, Eater of Names, is out in 2018, so watch this space.
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Re: The Year We Fell [40K Group story]

Postby Ghurlag » Thu Apr 18, 2013 9:51 am

Sure, let us have a gander. At least we'll have it well in advance.

Predictably, I've not found much time to write now that I'm meant to be, so I'm only about halfway through Madak's first section.

As the misty veil of Albion is cast aside, we turn our gaze to the war-torn island of Albany, where the Red King vies with his former master for the control of a realm in dire threat.
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Re: The Year We Fell [40K Group story]

Postby Corrigan Phoenix » Thu Apr 18, 2013 11:29 am

Loose outline-

> Shuttle to Black Ship- anticipation/worry over rumours she heard before they left. Feelings of being an outsider (only non-Peerguard in group). Is void sick (first time in space) - strike team teases her.

> land on Black Ship - aim for bridge - mostly deserted/eerie - occasional bodies. Ambush by pair of nulls - fights through initial debilitation first (shes the strongest psyker in the group) and kills them.

> Damage forces diversion through prison area. Void shields flickering on/off - kills a soldier and traps Wynn & two others on their own. Various different psykers running wild- cleansing as they move on- Wynn kills the two Peerguard she's with as they try and murder what seems to be an innocent toddler.

> One extremely calm/confident Psyker helps her get through the remaining crazy psykers & reunite with the other Peerguard. She stops them from killing him in return.

> They reach the bridge & find it guarded by a few nulls and sisters. They break through to the bridge, only to be ambushed by a super powerful Psyker who begins to open a warp rift & gets possessed by a daemon. Together Wynn and the other Psyker kills it, but the rest of the strike team are lost.

> Wynn sets the ship to self destruct (as planned) and the three of them (her, the calm Psyker & the toddler) eject in an emergency pod back towards Balfayre


So...what do you think?
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Re: The Year We Fell [40K Group story]

Postby Ghurlag » Thu Apr 18, 2013 12:50 pm

Couple of thoughts:

1) Seems a little long for the segment (or is this just the outline of all the events on the ship?)

2) You say the self-destruct is 'as-planned', but the boarding team were originally just going up there to escort the crew planetside. Did you mean this to be a new plan - an emergency measure once they realise the dangers on board?

3) Remember they should at least initially be trying to arrest people rather than kill them.

4) How do they blow up the ship? Remember that the ship's power plant/reactor has been knocked out by the orbital platforms, and any built-in warhead would probably require a high-ranking member of the crew's authority to detonate (given the situation onboard, one option is that the crew could well be the ones who initiate the self-destruct, Wynn could just have to flee from it)

As the misty veil of Albion is cast aside, we turn our gaze to the war-torn island of Albany, where the Red King vies with his former master for the control of a realm in dire threat.
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Re: The Year We Fell [40K Group story]

Postby Corrigan Phoenix » Thu Apr 18, 2013 1:13 pm

Yeah I'm just outlining the event on-ship for now. How many 'rounds' are we going to have in this opening chapter? I'm going to leave the killing of her two comrades to a flashback, and may condense the teasing/rumour worries into the part where they're already on the ship. It needn't be as long as it reads, actually. I can skip over a lot of middle ground (between landing the shuttle and diverting into the prison block, between meeting the calm guy psyker and reaching the bridge and the actual flight from the bridge).

So it would be three essential scenes for the first piece - Arrival at the Black Ship, Diversion into the prison & meeting the other psyker, and the bridge battle.

I like the idea of a sister activating the self-destruct...maybe the strike team kills the sister/null group on the bridge, and is then attacked by the strong psyker that gets possessed, so one of the ranking sisters activate it. That would add some further tension to the fight too. Nice.

The nulls they kill out of reaction - the ambushers are causing them extreme pain, so they retaliate without thought. Other crewmen and personnel they'll arrest/detain, at the very least at first.

I had another idea to add to her shame - as they flee back towards the shuttle, at least a couple of the strike team (maybe a few that had held back to keep the shuttle secure) open fire on them, thinking they're rogue psykers (given what they've been through they'll look like hell) and so either she kills them to get to the shuttle and leave, or the guy psyker she's saved does it and she just doesn't stop him? Again this would be shown in a flashback later.
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