Imperial Guard Group Story

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Re: Imperial Guard Group Story

Postby Rusk » Tue Apr 10, 2012 1:45 am

Whatever you think, Stu, I think I've been out of the loop so apologies for any confusion. :P Your thoughts work just as well. The Aztecs also happened to think that the Spanish were Gods, but I'm not entirely sure if you'd be able to work that into the story. (not at all relevant, I'm just showing off what little general knowledge I possess)

CS: If you're planning to get on with that then all good, let's get cracking. So it goes your founding scene, then to the desert world. We could do with establishing some details about what happened on the desert world/how it ties in to the overall story. If the Lyksari are generally only fighting orks then I presume its all part of a larger, overarching campaign (think trimmed down, smaller Sabbat Worlds with greenskins)?

I was thinking that an Ork empire/warband/gaggle of nefarious so-and-so's had captured a half-dozen to dozen Imperial worlds or so and that the Imperial forces had to retake them? Or they had captured some and were assaulting others (the useless trap world would be one of the captured ones). Is the desert world (we need a name too; maybe go with Tarsus or Ceyhan or something like that for now) under assault? I would assume so if there are at least some locals like Jouri still standing (again, I may be confused). Would be a good idea to iron out any general ideas before launching into writing. No massive rush if the founding is to happen first, however.

My two cents.
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Re: Imperial Guard Group Story

Postby Stuart000X » Wed Apr 11, 2012 10:34 am

The scenario that I have come to understand of the general situation, is that orks have laying siege to an Imperial system, conquoring a few planets and while in the process of taking the others with moderate resistance. Answering their call for assistance, a group of Imperial Guard regiments have come to reclaim the worlds, ours being one of them.

So far as I know, my character is on one world, the one where the regiment fights on I presume if he becomes drafted into it. The other characters are part of the regiment from the start. Jouri is someone who is part of either the PDF or local militia group that risen to the world's defence.
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Re: Imperial Guard Group Story

Postby Commander Shadow » Wed Apr 11, 2012 2:38 pm

Essentially thats what i imagined too. I'll write up the first bit, probably have it up by saturday or friday, and we can move from there
- And there arose from the abyss a terrible beast and the armies of man were laid low by the walls of the ancient city. The ground shook and the skies trembled and all knew as the beast had come forth and that the end of time was upon them.

"Shadow is always right, except when he tries to save his men from charging orks" - Ang
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Re: Imperial Guard Group Story

Postby Stuart000X » Wed Apr 11, 2012 2:54 pm

Commander Shadow wrote:Essentially thats what i imagined too. I'll write up the first bit, probably have it up by saturday or friday, and we can move from there


The pieces we have written so far, in what order are they going to be shown in? I know mine comes slightly later due to difference in location, I can possibly embellish what I have made so far to add extra details to help further a better degree of understanding of the situation at ground level, if needing.

I think we can discuss the chronologically of what and whose segment is going to go first, and where and etc.
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Re: Imperial Guard Group Story

Postby Rusk » Wed Apr 11, 2012 3:32 pm

Good to know we're all on the same page. I thought I'd better check just so there was no confuzzlement later on.

I would say for the desert world (we really need a name for this) open with Stu's scene, perhaps? It can give a sense of the orks being on some unstoppable assault that is wiping out the local forces, forcing Sjurio, Jouri, & all the other survivors to flee away from them towards some last bastion where the Lyksari are landing with the other guardsmen. Maybe on the way to the bastion have Sjurio's stragglers be intercepted by Oblek and a few other scouts, that would be easily explainable considering he's in the recon company, plus it allows for some writer co-operation. From there, I would say have either a section on Rog or Krahal, keep a roughly regular cycle on who is writing.

My thoughts on the matter.
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Re: Imperial Guard Group Story

Postby Stuart000X » Wed Apr 11, 2012 5:05 pm

Rusk wrote:Good to know we're all on the same page. I thought I'd better check just so there was no confuzzlement later on.

I would say for the desert world (we really need a name for this) open with Stu's scene, perhaps? It can give a sense of the orks being on some unstoppable assault that is wiping out the local forces, forcing Sjurio, Jouri, & all the other survivors to flee away from them towards some last bastion where the Lyksari are landing with the other guardsmen. Maybe on the way to the bastion have Sjurio's stragglers be intercepted by Oblek and a few other scouts, that would be easily explainable considering he's in the recon company, plus it allows for some writer co-operation. From there, I would say have either a section on Rog or Krahal, keep a roughly regular cycle on who is writing.

My thoughts on the matter.


I like that suggestion. I'll add more to the story, give the readers a better understanding of the characters and their plight. I'll give a slightly greater emphasis on how important Sjurio has been to the group's survival, and allow the others, particuarly Jorui, some more personality and importance; authority as well, for is the ranking officer in charge of the group, though it'll come to greater light later that every was ordained by Sjurio's actions, for without him, none of what has transpired would have been possible.
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Re: Imperial Guard Group Story

Postby Stuart000X » Fri Apr 13, 2012 7:30 am

Any thoughts or updates on what is happening with your individual corners?
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Re: Imperial Guard Group Story

Postby Commander Shadow » Fri Apr 13, 2012 3:22 pm

The "founding" bit is getting written. Krahal kinda seems like a whiny lil boy but that makes sense. Its also got a bit about where and why they're going to fight. From what i have the 67th Regulars are part of 12 regiments raised on Lyksas as deemed necessary by the munitorium to combat the ork contested systems.
- And there arose from the abyss a terrible beast and the armies of man were laid low by the walls of the ancient city. The ground shook and the skies trembled and all knew as the beast had come forth and that the end of time was upon them.

"Shadow is always right, except when he tries to save his men from charging orks" - Ang
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Re: Imperial Guard Group Story

Postby Corrigan Phoenix » Sat Apr 14, 2012 12:52 pm

I was under the impression I'm last in the writing list, so was waiting for some direction/other peoples work to see how/where to direct my own.
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Re: Imperial Guard Group Story

Postby Commander Shadow » Mon Apr 16, 2012 6:09 am

here's the founding bit. Let me know what you guys think.


The men and non commissioned officers stood at attention, arranged by company and regiment, in the vast reception hall of the Guard Basilica. Before them, closest to the raised stage, the newly minted officers waited. Nearly sixty thousand men and women in light gray dress uniforms, black berets, and polished boots. Twelve regiments of Imperial Guard dwarfed by the vast expanse of the hall, the stained glass windows and towering statues resplendent with images of the Emperor, His Saints, and the heroes of Lyksas. Outside a heavy rainstorm beat against the windows, a storm showering the city of Lassaia with heavy, dirty droplets. Inside it was quiet. The guardsmen waited in silence, looking towards the stage and the vast Aquilla banner that crossed the width of the hall.

Olexandar Krahal stood with eleven other cadets, at the forefront of the officer cadre. The broad man was trying not to fidget in his newly issued uniform. Already his glasses had begun to fog at the edges. His stomach was churning with cold dread. Everything had happened so quickly. Had it really been three months ago, he thought, three quick months when I was still a cadet. And now? A colonel in His Imperial Guard? An honor indeed. Leave his home forever? Leave Bressa and all plans for the wedding? His father must have been so proud when the muster orders came. We’re sending you to the academy, the old man had told him, maybe they’ll make an officer out of you, maybe you’ll do the family some good. Bitter old bastard.

Olexandar would have given everything he had to see the look on the buzzard’s face when the orders came through.

Twelve new regiments, the entire graduating class suddenly commissioned.

Where’s the cushy posting now papa, he thought bitterly, where’s the respect? I’m going to be shipped off to Emperor knows where, shot at and killed on some distant rock. But at least Alexi is safe, a business man, not a soldier. You always loved him more than me.

The Governor had finished his speech an hour ago, droning on about honor and duty. The High Cardinal had followed, blessing the regiments and praising their resolve to fight the Emperor’s enemies. But the wizened old man in voluminous robes had not even mentioned the Orks, the reason for the rapid mobilization. It wasn’t a secret anymore. What had started with rumors became simple fact. Month long courses in Ork psychology and biology as understood by scholars famed sector wide? Study of famous Imperial Victories and past wars? They’d seen the refugees in their tent cities, dirty ragged men, women, and children fleeing some distant hell filled with green monsters and death. Yes, everyone knew it would be Orks.

A thin man in simple administratum robes had taken the stage. Behind him twelve tall, broad men stood, volunteers from the newly levied regiments. Each bore a large ceremonial banner, some were newly woven and resplendent with gold and silver thread, others faded and worn, the banners of regiments who had already made their name. Olexandar watched them, trying to ignore the itch at the back of his neck where his uniform chaffed his flesh.

“Your great journey is about to begin,” the man said. He sounded bored. “Transports from His Imperial Navy stand ready to take you down your glorious path. It is the path of righteous souls. The path He walked. The path to war. Mickael Vaiduna, step forwards.”

The officer furthest from Olexandar stepped before the podium. Little Micky, shortest man in the academy.

“By the orders of the Holy Munitorium, by the consent of Lord Governor Dumachi, and by the light of the God Emperor of Mankind you are called forth to do your duty. How do you answer?”

“I shall serve till my dying breath,” Vaiduna replied, the scripted words sounded almost genuine. “While I have the strength to fight and the will to command I shall serve Him.”

“Kneel,” said the thin man. Vaiduna obeyed. “You rise a defender of His realm, a champion of man. Rise, Colonel Mickael Vaiduna, commanding officer of the 475th Regiment of Imperial Guard to be founded from the brave and strong of Lyksas.”

Little Micky stood and strode up onto the stage, taking up his place by the first of the banner bearers. The flag was new, unblemished, and spotless.

One by one the thin man called forwards the cadets: Big Yahn, Aemes Groyeski, Vincan Chuzo, Xaiver Hammer, Pious Nick, the Old Boyar, and all the others. They said their oaths, received their regiments. One by one Olexandar checked off the claimed banners in his mind. Most were new foundings, by at least a third were established formations, glorious units with histories and creeds. One by one, as the cadets stepped forwards, the regiments slowly melted away. The Old Boyzar got the 232nd Kassaks, Ovechni was given the 45th Ice Devils, Natasha Domachev received the 109th Thanes.

Olexandar was the last cadet to be called forward. He stood alone, at the head of nearly sixty thousand men and women. There was only one regiment left, a battered and worn banner that he knew so well.

“Olexandar Krahal step forwards,” came the thin man’s command. He took two steps and clicked his heels to attention. Was it chance, he wondered, or was the old bastard pulling strings? He’d grown up with stories of that regiment, of its glory, of its curse. There was family blood on that flag.

“By the orders of the Holy Munitorium, by the consent of Lord Governor Dumachi, and by the light of the God Emperor of Mankind you are called forth to do your duty. How do you answer?”

“I shall serve till my dying breath,” repeated Olexandar automatically, he had been practicing those words for weeks now, alone in front of a mirror. “While I have the strength to fight and the will to command I shall serve Him.”

“Kneel,” said the thin man. Olexandar dropped to his knees, tearing his eyes away from that banner. It couldn’t have been coincidence could it? His grandfather’s regiment? He almost didn’t here the thin man’s words. “You rise a defender of His realm, a champion of man. Rise, Colonel Olexandar Krahal, commanding officer of the 67th Regiment of Imperial Guard to be refounded from the brave and strong of Lyksas.”

The 67th Wolves. Heroes of the Wars for the Erebus Sector, whose regimental annals buried deep within the Basilica’s heart bore the names of over eighty seven commanding officers, eighty seven heroes. One of those names was Olexandar’s grandfather, Purrov Krahal, the defender of Peiter Hive during the Fifth Granak War. It was a regiment of heroes, a regiment of the bravest men and women of Lyksas.

No, Olexander reminded himself as he stood beside the hard faced colors-sergeant and the faded, worn banner. It’s just an empty name. The heroes are long since dead, rotting in some tomb or bones on a distant field. Those men out there, they’re the Wolves now, they’re the 67th. We’ll all die together on some distant world, and they’ll carry the banner back and give it to someone else. It’s up to me to make sure we die heroes.

Damn you, he thought. Damn you, you old wizened bastard. Olexander could almost imagine his father’s cold smile. See what I’ve given you, boy, the old man would say, a new toy you’ve never earned. All you have to do is uphold the family name.

For a brief moment he thought of Bressa, how her hair felt in his fingers, how her lips felt when they kissed. Then he thought of his father’s ugly grimace. One thing I leave up to you, he had said. One thing in your whole emperor damned life. And you pick that whore? Yusina you let go, but that whore you propose to? At least her family has some money. Merchants from Scordia Province, bah, might as well be hiver scum…

The High Cardinal had once again taken the stage.

“Let us pray,” he began. “Let us pray for the Emperor’s light. He who is our guiding torch in the darkness, our shield against the foul creatures of the pit, our sword again the enemies of man…”

Bressa I’ll miss, thought Olexandar, and mama too. But you father? At least I’ll be free from you.

High above the Bassilica, above Lassia, the northern continent, and all of Lyksas a trio of bulk carriers waited. The hung in high orbit, their berths empty, their engines dormant, waiting for their cargo of men, waiting to begin the long journey between the stars.
- And there arose from the abyss a terrible beast and the armies of man were laid low by the walls of the ancient city. The ground shook and the skies trembled and all knew as the beast had come forth and that the end of time was upon them.

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Re: Imperial Guard Group Story

Postby Stuart000X » Mon Apr 16, 2012 11:16 pm

A pretty good start to the story, well rounded, very much told what is to occur; speaking of Imperial Guardsmen going off to face orks and are still wet behind the ears, but I would recommend relooking at your story as I've discovered various errors that need correcting. The one puzzling area is that you write it in third person perspective of the unfolding events, then we're made privy to Krahal's thoughts in first person view. A slight recommendation, when writing about someones thoughts, always using italic to emphasise the point.

Otherwise a fairly good start :).
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Re: Imperial Guard Group Story

Postby Commander Shadow » Thu Apr 19, 2012 12:05 am

I'll take another look. Other than the italics-thought bit (i never use italics for inner thought) maybe i'll find another way to show the character development.

What other errors did you see may i ask?
- And there arose from the abyss a terrible beast and the armies of man were laid low by the walls of the ancient city. The ground shook and the skies trembled and all knew as the beast had come forth and that the end of time was upon them.

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Re: Imperial Guard Group Story

Postby Stuart000X » Fri Apr 20, 2012 2:38 pm

I'll look at the errors and point them out to you later. What's happening with this group? Are people still interested in doing this group story? I'd rather find out now if we have quiters than to live without knowing the truth of the matter.
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Re: Imperial Guard Group Story

Postby Commander Shadow » Fri Apr 20, 2012 2:51 pm

i'm still in. If CP and rusk would chime in i'd be a reassured. Stu can you go ahead and start writing your piece?
- And there arose from the abyss a terrible beast and the armies of man were laid low by the walls of the ancient city. The ground shook and the skies trembled and all knew as the beast had come forth and that the end of time was upon them.

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Re: Imperial Guard Group Story

Postby Rusk » Fri Apr 20, 2012 2:56 pm

A well written piece (sorry for the long time before replying), but I'm curious where this is leading? All it seems to me is to be a bit of background info on the colonel and the regiment, which kind of defeats the point of having the intro pieces in the future. I don't mean to sound mean or rude, but by itself all it gives us is a bit more background. Either we would have to have more stuff on the founding, or work the info here into other scenes in the book, or perhaps set this during the first deployment. We either need to pull some more scenes into the founding or take this apart and slot it into other places in the story. On its own, though, it is a well-written piece and I enjoyed it, it does set the character of Krahal well, adding more to what we've gathered from the intro scene (which, again, makes me think that some of the stuff about his grandfather could be worked into the prologue). I'm presuming that some of the other Lyksar regiments are going to be encountered at some point or other along the line, so its good to add a bit of Krahal's background, old classmates etcetera.

Sorry if this sounds so negative. :(

And I'm still very interested in this, for sure. Are we going to stick with the plan I came up with a page or two back of Sjurio's refugee column fleeing and being encountered by Oblek? Stu endorsed it, but I don't know if we're going to stick with that rough idea for certain.

EDIT: See? I chimed in. :P
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Re: Imperial Guard Group Story

Postby Commander Shadow » Fri Apr 20, 2012 4:05 pm

No problem at all, thanks for the critique, if you want i can rework it so that its while they're embarking on the shuttles and have Krahal looking back and the like
- And there arose from the abyss a terrible beast and the armies of man were laid low by the walls of the ancient city. The ground shook and the skies trembled and all knew as the beast had come forth and that the end of time was upon them.

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Re: Imperial Guard Group Story

Postby Corrigan Phoenix » Sun Apr 22, 2012 1:50 pm

I'm still in, as previously stated I was under the impression I was put last in the writing list, so was waiting to see the next/next two pieces before my own, to see if there were any developments I needed to be appriased of.
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Re: Imperial Guard Group Story

Postby Rusk » Sun Apr 22, 2012 4:54 pm

@CS: Yeah, if it was set when embarking, or maybe disembarking into the first theatre, it might not feel so out of place. I hadn't thought of that. Oops. Should work fine, hopefully.

@CP: I believe that Stu is working on his piece? I posted this:

I would say for the desert world (we really need a name for this) open with Stu's scene, perhaps? It can give a sense of the orks being on some unstoppable assault that is wiping out the local forces, forcing Sjurio, Jouri, & all the other survivors to flee away from them towards some last bastion where the Lyksari are landing with the other guardsmen. Maybe on the way to the bastion have Sjurio's stragglers be intercepted by Oblek and a few other scouts, that would be easily explainable considering he's in the recon company, plus it allows for some writer co-operation. From there, I would say have either a section on Rog or Krahal, keep a roughly regular cycle on who is writing.


on April 11th, and I THINK we're going with something along these lines. That would mean that you come after Stu. We haven't confirmed this though, so something completely different could be in the works for all I know.
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Re: Imperial Guard Group Story

Postby Stuart000X » Thu Apr 26, 2012 4:35 pm

Just updating this post with the reaffirmation that I'm still interested in getting this story off the ground and completed with a degree of success attached to it.
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Re: Imperial Guard Group Story

Postby Stuart000X » Mon Apr 30, 2012 9:35 pm

Sorry for the lapse for not bringing much in the way of a story contribution to the group story as a whole, but I've been quite busy, but I'm still eager to contribute something, and will do so when I have avaliable time.
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