Group Story IG v Tyranids [still accepting authors]

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Re: Group Story Imperial Guard and Tyranids

Postby Stuart000X » Sun Mar 13, 2011 7:13 pm

I like the characters you have carved out, but that leaves the question of the Governor and the local politicans. Do you want to take creative control of them as well? It'll add some diversity to your individual story telling.
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Re: Group Story Imperial Guard and Tyranids

Postby Stuart000X » Sun Mar 13, 2011 7:14 pm

I will come up with a handful of characters myself shortly.
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Re: Group Story Imperial Guard and Tyranids

Postby Commander Shadow » Sun Mar 13, 2011 10:43 pm

The local politicians... I'm not sure, i could do a few of them as minor characters. Whould you like to do a few?
I definitly could add bits about them for sure but i dont know.

I'll have the prologue up here in a bit
- And there arose from the abyss a terrible beast and the armies of man were laid low by the walls of the ancient city. The ground shook and the skies trembled and all knew as the beast had come forth and that the end of time was upon them.

"Shadow is always right, except when he tries to save his men from charging orks" - Ang
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Re: Group Story Imperial Guard and Tyranids

Postby Stuart000X » Mon Mar 14, 2011 12:12 am

I can do them if you don't want to. Though they might not get a major role in our story, or even a minor one, they needs to be at least some form of acknowledgement to the existence of the Governor and his attached politicans. Even if you mention him through the word and mouth of the common soldier mentioning him.
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Re: Group Story Imperial Guard and Tyranids

Postby Commander Shadow » Mon Mar 14, 2011 12:34 am

No doubt, i can deffinitly mention them, overhear something, or possibly from the point of the Governor's aide. If you wish do have a few chacters like that by all means go ahead.
- And there arose from the abyss a terrible beast and the armies of man were laid low by the walls of the ancient city. The ground shook and the skies trembled and all knew as the beast had come forth and that the end of time was upon them.

"Shadow is always right, except when he tries to save his men from charging orks" - Ang
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Re: Group Story Imperial Guard and Tyranids

Postby Stuart000X » Mon Mar 14, 2011 12:53 am

I'll give it a go :)
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Re: Group Story Imperial Guard and Tyranids

Postby Commander Shadow » Mon Mar 14, 2011 1:04 am

Do you know when you can have a rough character list up by?
- And there arose from the abyss a terrible beast and the armies of man were laid low by the walls of the ancient city. The ground shook and the skies trembled and all knew as the beast had come forth and that the end of time was upon them.

"Shadow is always right, except when he tries to save his men from charging orks" - Ang
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Re: Group Story Imperial Guard and Tyranids

Postby Stuart000X » Mon Mar 14, 2011 1:54 am

When i can, which will be shortly.
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Re: Group Story Imperial Guard and Tyranids

Postby Commander Shadow » Mon Mar 14, 2011 4:49 am

No worries man, real life takes precedent :D
- And there arose from the abyss a terrible beast and the armies of man were laid low by the walls of the ancient city. The ground shook and the skies trembled and all knew as the beast had come forth and that the end of time was upon them.

"Shadow is always right, except when he tries to save his men from charging orks" - Ang
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Re: Group Story Imperial Guard and Tyranids

Postby Commander Shadow » Mon Mar 14, 2011 12:55 pm

Prologue

“And the warriors of the God-Emperor stood firm against His foes and brought death to the Heretics of Gyzoa in the shadow of the Tall Citadel”

A squad of storm-troopers had assembled near a rusted metal door in the shadows of the high gantries above. High above from the tall, dark spires of Verddasgrad the chanting of the Ecclesiarchy choirs filtered down to the wide empty streets. The factory block was silent, the chimneys did not belch soot into the air, the twisting and scraping of gears did not hum from the dark confines of its inner workings. Sergeant Corali flexed his free hand in its the stiff carapace gauntlet and checked his chronometer. He stood, back pressed against the wall, large bore shot-cannon in hand, listening to his own heavy breathing. The thick plates of his armor grated against the rough contours of the wall, worn from years of exposure. On either side of the rusted door the other men of first squad crouched and waited.

Corali pressed the stub of his wrist communicator.

“First squad in position by east entrance. Holding. Awaiting orders.”

There was a hiss of static through his ear piece.

“Second squad holding by west gate.”

“Third squad holding by north windows.”

“Fourth squad in position on roof.”

There was nothing but static over the vox. The sergeant’s ear could make out the faint wordless hymns amplified from the speaker boxes placed throughout the city. All throughout Verddasgrad people were packed tight into Ministorium chapels and the wide pits of the High Cathedral. It was the allotted time for work to cease and devotion to the God-Emperor be given in prayer and not deed. There was something strange about the silence of the factory, something unnatural about the men clustered by high arching windows and vast doors. Corali could not help his lips moving in silent absolution, each day for the countless years he had prayed upon this hour. He could hardly break the urge to join the hymns.

“All units prep for breaching,” came the soft voice of Lieutenant Brunigi, “remember the briefing, quick and fast, the God-Emperor protects.”

Corali could hear the high pitched whine of engines as the Lieutenant’s Valkyrie made another pass over the long, domed factory roof.

“On my mark,” whispered the sergeant as he nodded to Trooper Vyan. A breaching charge was placed against the flaking red metal and Vyan stepped back, holding a detonator in one hand and a short barrel stubgun in the other.

-][-


The staggered line of Arbiters stretched across the breath of the main boulevard. Behind them towered the vast High Cathedral, rising into the smog banks that choked the heavens above Verddasgrad. From within echoed the sermons of the archcardinal, ringing from the stained glass windows and sounding all the way to the maglev train depots by the great cliff to the south. The keepers of the faith walked, their heavy boots sounding off the worn stones and ferrocrete, farther and farther from the cathedral’s vast engraved doors.
The wide street ran from those doors straight and true for nearly five hundred meters at the tall stone statue of a man clad in Imperial armor. There it curved, a slow gentle incline, sloping down towards the lower city, the manufactorum districts, and the train sheds. It was towards this statue that the line of men in dark armor and faceless helmets advanced and towards them that came a solitary man, stumbling and falling as he shambled forwards.
The line of armed men stooped nearly a hundred paces from the base of the tall statue, cloaked in the shadow cast by the high towers of the High Cathedral. Arbiter-Judge Lyan Bruun walk forwards ahead of his men, power maul held away from his body, pointing towards the stones of the ground.
The man seemed to stumble forwards to meet them and Bruun could see that he wore once fine clothes that were now tattered. A clasp, fastened around his throat, bore the golden eye of the planetary governor’s coven. It held in place a flowing purple cloak now dirty and in rags. The judge could hear faint murmurings that carried in the still air as the man gibbered to himself.
“You should be at prayer,” spoke Brunn, his voice amplified through the sound system of his helmet so that it carried over the street, “All loyal servants must show their devotion.”
The man’s eyes snapped around, fixing on Bruun’s own and not letting go. Like a puppet on jerking strings the man hobbled towards the line of arbiters and their judge.
“Can you not feel it!” the man howled, voice ringing from off the closed storefronts and high gothic buildings.
“Your place is at prayer,” replied the judge, “You feel the light of the God-Emperor turn from you and you must absolve yourself.”
“No!” cried the man coming ever closer, “He has not turned from me! He is lost to the Void! His realm falls and all tumbles into a darkness that even His light cannot escape!”
“You speak blasphemies,” and Bruun raised the power maul, striding forward at the head of the advancing arbiters. Their weapons were raised.

-][-
There was a flash of fire and vaporized metal and a cloud of white steam rose from the now open door of the factory. Corporal Nuin was first through the door, bulky carapace-armor disappearing into the haze of thrown up by the breaching charge. He was quickly followed by Vyan and Thor with their stubguns raised. Sergeant Corali raised his shot-cannon, muttered a quick prayer, and stepped through the smoking doorway.
Behind him the remaining men on first squad spread out in the narrow hallway as their sergeant followed the squat form of the corporal down towards the loading bays. The cutting beams from their shoulder mounted lamps pierced through the thick blackness, bobbing up and down like lightning bugs as the men quickly checked room after room. High above they could hear the boots of the other storm-troopers ringing off hard metal gratting. There was no gun fire.
“A ten-pack says the bastards better looking than your mother,” hissed trooper Urra’s voice.
“Don’t say that,” replied Betaz, “You’ll scare it away with insults like that.”
There was a laugh.
“We could just bring a picture of my mother,” said Juih, “Then we wouldn’t need our guns. One look and the bastard’d died of fright.”
There was a crash ahead as Nuin kicked down a door and the column beams from the shoulder-lamps disappeared around a corner.
“When we’re done here,” said Corali over his shoulder, “We can all go down to the whore-district and have turns with her, I’ll buy. But until then, God-Emperor damnit Urra, keep your fekking mouth shut. Try to remember we’re here to kill something.”
There was chocked laughter and Corali entered a new room. Corporal Nuin and his men had assembled, crouching low by wide open windows overlooking a wide open processing bay.
“Contact?” asked the sergeant but Nuin shook his head.
“We’ve cleared all the rooms from our entry point to here Sarge. Only one way out that way and we’re covering it.”
Corali pressed his wrist-com, “Lieutenant, first squad here. All clear on first level, holding by the main bay.”
“Hold position,” came the soft voice over the vox, “All squads are clearing their levels with no contact. Sergeant Bezama saw something disappearing down a lift shaft towards the bay.”
“Clear, sir. Holding position.”
Corali looked over the room, his lamp’s beam scything through the darkness. The walls were bare, a single desk was pressed close to the doorway, papers strewn over the surface. Betaz was leaning off its edge, scrapping the wood with his armor.
“Knock out the windows boys,” said Corali, “Third squad’s chased the bastard right to us.”
There was a shattering of glass as two storm-troopers beat the windows with the butts of their guns. Shards fell like rain through the dark air, glittering in the beams of the lamps towards the processing bay’s floor.
In the gloom Corali could make out the outlines of hulking machines and twisting wires. Conveyor belts stretched off towards the far wall where second squad was to appear. All was dark and quite on the factory floor save the dulled thumping of boots from the upper levels and a light, almost inaudiable scrapping. Like finger nails on stone, or claws on rough metal.
“We hold here,” said the sergeant, leaning against the back wall and looking out onto the factory floor. He began to hum lightly under his breath, from the long hallway and empty rooms behind them he could still hear the Ecclesiarchy choir and their hymns

-][-

“Blasphemies?” raged the man, stumbling down the street with no fixed direction but forward, “No, you cannot see as I see. You do not know! It is a terrible coldness, worse than the darkest winter or the touch of a blade upon flesh! It burns and shakes me and I can see! Oh what I can see!”
“You can pray inside the precinct’s walls lunatic,” said Judge Bruun, “You have been drinking or worse. It is nothing but bad dreams given to a faithless servant of the God-Emperor.”
The man continued to stare at Bruun though he had begun to stumble from one side of the wide street to another, making his painfully slow way closer and closer to the line of men.
“You are blind!” screamed the man, his voice high and shrill, “You are blind and you are frightened like a child. You do not see what is around you? Did not the skies tremble for days as the heralds of doom descended from the heavens! The Beast is coming! Rearing its head from beyond the grave it sees all and knows all! It comes for you servant! It comes for me!”
“Silence your tongue madman,” said the judge, and he was barely twenty meters from the frothing lunatic, “It is you that is frightened. Pray and the God-Emperor shall shine his light once more upon you soul.”
“It has told me a great many things in its silence,” continued the man, “it speaks of its terrible hunger, its terrible thirst! Such cravings that would drink whole oceans dry and feast upon the corpses of a thousand souls and not be satisfied. The cold shadow had fallen already! We stand in the darkness and await naught but death!”
“Silence!” roared Bruun, striding forwards towards the man with power maul raised.
-][-

Screams and gunfire erupted from the far wall of the processing bay and in the flashes of gunfire Corali could see the forms of sergeant Nathaniel and his men illuminated against the high banks of machinery.
“On your feet boys!” yelled Nuin and the sergeant could hear the voice of second squad’s leader over the vox.
“Corali your arse better be in place! There’s maybe six of them left? Maybe four, we got about two before they decided to bug out towards you.”
“Only too?” shot the sergeant over the writ-com.
“Didn’t want my boys to have all the fun did I?”
But Corali could see the shapes tearing through the darkness, he could hear the clatter of claws on metal and watched as a shadow leaped through the air like massive fleas.
“Holy fek here they come!” shouted a trooper.
“Don’t shoot!” said someone, “I think I saw Juih’s mother!”
“Will you sons-of-orks shut the fek up and shoot at something!” yelled Corali, sending a blast from his shot-cannon at one of the advancing figures.
It was still too far away to hit but from beside him the men of first squad opened up with the stubguns. One of the shadows was torn off a conveyor belt by the hail of lead, but there were more, so many that the sergeant couldn’t count them.
There was one swinging like a monkey from light-fixture to light fixture, another sprinting almost along the wall, and another, and another. Corali heard the curses of his men as the shadows got closer and closer, a terrible alien scream as one of the things crumpled. Someone was singing hymns loud and clear over the gunfire, almost screaming. Corali saw the shadows coming closer and closer.

-][-

The man stood in front of Judge Bruun and for the first time in what seemed like an eternity he was silent. The arbiter could see the rough unkempt clothes that had once been very fine. There were deep gouges across his face that had scabbed over, Bruun could see crusted blood under the man’s finger tips. Cracked lips bled as they mouthed things wordlessly and the judge could see that the man’s eyes were a piercing blue.
“Do I know you?” began Bruun, but even as he spoke he remembered the Mayor’s ball nearly two months ago. A psyker had been sent from the Governor’s coven, a tall, pale, blue-eyed man who had laughed an joked and danced throughout the night. They had not met, the arbiter and witch, but Bruun had heard of him.
“Come with me sir. Back to the precinct, you can rest and collect your thoughts.”
“No,” whispered the cracked lips and the judge felt a hand upon his chest. There was a massive crash and the smell of burning ozone as Bruun felt himself soaring through the air.
He crashed down hard on to the boulevard, helmet smacking against the worn stones.
“Restrain him!” he started to yell but when he raised his head he saw that the thin man had charged forwards at the line of Arbiters.
A crackling tendril of burning white light had formed around the man’s hand, his blue eyes had disappeared into a blazing halo. As the staggered line neared him the hand flashed out and tore through the thick plates of a broad officer, appearing in a shower of blood and flying metal from the man’s back. There was a dull thunderclap of gunfire and the psyker collapsed to the stones, clutching at his stomach. A second shot and he was thrown backwards onto the ground, the burning halo and crackling light disappearing and blood began to seep onto the boulevard.
Judge Bruun pushed himself to his feet, Standing with the wide, ragged half circle of his men around the two corpses. Behind him the doors of the High Cathedral opened.

-][-

The shadows had neared the wide windows and in the light from the shoulder-lamps sergeant Corali could see the terrible creatures from the depths of his nightmares. Pale alabaster skin stretched tight over bone, leathery blood-purple carapace, the creatures had nightmarish reptilian heads, mouths full with teeth. They clambered towards first squad with claws and talons and vicious hooks from four arms out stretched. Powerful legs propelled them into the air, closer and closer to the window where the storm-troopers stood firing.
The weight of the first volley shredded one of creatures as the storm-troopers fired in staggered bursts. Corali raised his shot-cannon, blasting apart the first of the creatures to raise its head over the lip of the window in a hail of ichor and bloody meat. As he racked the slide the last two of the beasts sprung through the shattered glass, landing among the firing line. The sergeant saw Nuin’s face disapear as a talon punched though his skull. All around him the beast fell upon his men, tearing through their armor as if it was paper. Betaz died when the sharp teeth tore through his throat, Vyan collapsed to the floor holding the bleeding stump of his arm.
“Kill the feking thing!” roared Corali, blasting one of them as it set upon Thor. It keeled to the side, arms and legs twitching as it scrabbled towards the big man. There was a loud chatter as Thor’s stubgun tore at the creature’s belly, shredding it in half. Juih brought his boot hard against its head.
The last of the beasts turned towards the open door way, couching low as if to spring. A blast from Corali’s shot-cannon took off one of its legs, he racked the slide, pointing towards the still scrabbling form as it tried to push itself towards the door with its arms. The second shot tore a chuck from the beast’s back and it lay crumpled on the ground, twitching slightly as its body refused to die.
There was silence in the factory.
“Next time Lieutenant,” said Corali into his wrist-com, “Next time we gas the place first, then we go in. We need medics, nearly all of my men are down or wounded.”
He turned to Juih who stood at the center of the office-room, surrounded by the shell casings, blood and bodies. Thor sat slumped against the wall, blood streaming from a cut in his arm.
“What happens now Sarge?” asked Juih quietly, holding his stubgun loosely by his side.
“Go home, boy,” said the sergeant, “I’ll explain it to the Lieutenant. Just go home and hug your mother and tell her you love her. Don’t tell her what happened, just apologize for everything and hold her close. There are going to be some terrible days ahead.”
- And there arose from the abyss a terrible beast and the armies of man were laid low by the walls of the ancient city. The ground shook and the skies trembled and all knew as the beast had come forth and that the end of time was upon them.

"Shadow is always right, except when he tries to save his men from charging orks" - Ang
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Re: Group Story Imperial Guard and Tyranids

Postby Commander Shadow » Mon Mar 14, 2011 4:13 pm

this is just something i worked out for the prologue, what do you think?
- And there arose from the abyss a terrible beast and the armies of man were laid low by the walls of the ancient city. The ground shook and the skies trembled and all knew as the beast had come forth and that the end of time was upon them.

"Shadow is always right, except when he tries to save his men from charging orks" - Ang
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Re: Group Story Imperial Guard and Tyranids

Postby Stuart000X » Mon Mar 14, 2011 11:48 pm

I have just read your prologue, and it is brilliant. It has all the elements, action, tension, apprehension. You need to re-read it however, as there are a few spelling and grammar mistakes. But otherwise, a good story :) Well done.

After tomorrow, i can be free to start making characters. I have a vague idea of what sort of characters i have in mind, but i need to work on them. Now that the prologue has been made, the next step is obviously the beginning of the story. Through the mouths of the characters, we need to slowly drip to our readers the state of affairs with what is going on, creating a fusion of what is the norm of the place and how things are being done in preperation for what is to happen. Either you can write the first part with a character from one of your regiments, or from Lunda, or i can write from my neck of the woods :) and describe how things are being disrupted on the agri world.
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Re: Group Story Imperial Guard and Tyranids

Postby Commander Shadow » Tue Mar 15, 2011 12:44 am

I'll give it a read over, no problem. Should i repost with the changes or just start a new topic on the Group Story Forum?

No problem with the characters. I was thinking we start off each section with some sort of quote that sounds all religiously (like in the prologue), but one that kinda foreshadows the overall events and what happens inthe piece.
I think my opening will start withthe bar fight fromt the perspective of the Olympian sergeant, i can explain that they're one of the last to get of the boats and they're watching pdf conscripts drilling in the city streets, many without proper guns. Something like that what did you think?
- And there arose from the abyss a terrible beast and the armies of man were laid low by the walls of the ancient city. The ground shook and the skies trembled and all knew as the beast had come forth and that the end of time was upon them.

"Shadow is always right, except when he tries to save his men from charging orks" - Ang
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Re: Group Story Imperial Guard and Tyranids

Postby Stuart000X » Tue Mar 15, 2011 2:03 am

I think you should clear the errors first, then once done, yeah, post the prologue :)
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Re: Group Story Imperial Guard and Tyranids

Postby Commander Shadow » Wed Mar 16, 2011 3:18 am

gottcha, will do. I'll probably end up posting by tomorrow or thursday.
Also, would you like to set some deadlines as to when we should get portions of the story accomplished by? Just to keep us on track and ensure that this doesnt die? I realize we're both pretty busy people in the real world but I think we can pull this off and have the completed story look really good.
- And there arose from the abyss a terrible beast and the armies of man were laid low by the walls of the ancient city. The ground shook and the skies trembled and all knew as the beast had come forth and that the end of time was upon them.

"Shadow is always right, except when he tries to save his men from charging orks" - Ang
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Re: Group Story Imperial Guard and Tyranids

Postby Stuart000X » Wed Mar 16, 2011 12:11 pm

Later today i will have to do one piece of English homework for next Tuesday. Better to do it now then later. The homework is that i have to write a Letter to the Prime Minister about something that i want to change about government stuff. I have sit and do it for 45 mins straight, as though it were an exam. I'll do that later, at around 1 o'clock. After that my week is free, and so is my mind to work on the group story. I'll come up with some bios and characters.
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Re: Group Story Imperial Guard and Tyranids

Postby Commander Shadow » Wed Mar 16, 2011 12:54 pm

Alright, i've got a physics research paper on laser weaponry (trying not to insert lasguns and lascannons every few lines :o ) due tomorrow so i'll get the prologue up by thursday night.
- And there arose from the abyss a terrible beast and the armies of man were laid low by the walls of the ancient city. The ground shook and the skies trembled and all knew as the beast had come forth and that the end of time was upon them.

"Shadow is always right, except when he tries to save his men from charging orks" - Ang
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Re: Group Story Imperial Guard and Tyranids

Postby Stuart000X » Thu Mar 17, 2011 6:31 pm

Okay, i'm starting to work on my characters now :)
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Re: Group Story Imperial Guard and Tyranids

Postby Commander Shadow » Fri Mar 18, 2011 5:42 pm

great, I'm going to get the edits in to the Prologue and go post it up.

Title: When the Shadow Falls [IG vs Tyranids]

(do you think the last bit is necessary?)
- And there arose from the abyss a terrible beast and the armies of man were laid low by the walls of the ancient city. The ground shook and the skies trembled and all knew as the beast had come forth and that the end of time was upon them.

"Shadow is always right, except when he tries to save his men from charging orks" - Ang
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Re: Group Story Imperial Guard and Tyranids

Postby Stuart000X » Fri Mar 18, 2011 5:43 pm

This is what i have come up with in relation to the Kandah tribe.

Kandah

Natives

Name: Dyioa’k

Status: Queen

Affiliation: Foua’k tribe

Age: Unknown, possibly over 50.

Brief background: The third child of Chieftain Xaxnn and his first and only daughter, Dyioa’k is a fiery headstrong woman that is of noble birth. She was third in line to the throne, and as such, the lure of leadership never grew in her until after she entered puberty. Prior to her undertaking of the Ukali, her coming of age, her oldest brothers Norlou and Mork, the victims of the infamous Thawrk plague that had killed hundreds of thousands before it ended. Dyioa’k was too a victim of this plague, but where her brothers perished, she survived.

The last and only heir to the throne Foua’k, Dyioa’k ascended to become the tribe’s leader.

Name: Fion

Status: Prince

Affiliation: Foua’k tribe

Age: 30ish

Brief background: The offspring of his mother, Dyioa’k, Fion is the heir in the next line in the Foua’k throne. An excellent bowman, Fion leads many hunting parties out into the Great Plains in hunt of game.

Name: Phyi

Status: Blood Druid

Affiliation: The Coven of the Eagle-Chieftain

Age: Over 70

Brief background: One of the eleven Blood Druids, Phyi is a revered member of the Coven, overseeing many generations of warriors as he inducted them into the Ukali.
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