Film Nest

Extraneous communication, genuflection, adulation, dissection and admiration should make its way in here.

Re: Film Nest

Postby Vivia » Fri Feb 07, 2014 11:24 pm

Here I found plenty more of Cinema Snob's review, he has a vast repertoire and I have followed him since 2008 and it's easy to forget the reviews I enjoyed.

Universal Soldier - Not the van Damme vehicle but the 1971 George Lazenby film. It's a totally 60s child, it's meant to be groovy, actors are high and what nots. Fabulous fashion, I cannot stress this enough. It also contains a brief and interesting history about Lazenby's career and the Bond role, in other words managers are bad people.

McBain - The film that inspired The Simpsons' character. Christopher Walken stars in it, I don't need to say more, it's awesome.

Death Bed: The Bed That Eats - An art film that was never released, it sat in a basement for 40 years. Yes, a bed that eats people, it's hilariously bad.

The Refrigerator - A killer refrigerator. Apparently in the 1980s there were a number of these types of horror flicks about killer appliances. :roll:

The Sinful Dwarf - A killer dwarf that is sinful, except he isn't really. The film has everything it should; a toy/drug dealer, Santa, musical numbers etc. Funniest suicide scene ever. The Snob at his best: " What's with the damn puppets? Thank god, now children can be entertained while I watch this porno." Be aware this is an exploitation film and not safe for work.
There is nothing gay about the Princeton fight song. "Oh, the men of Princeton are charging up the rear, holding all the balls..." Okay, I hear it now. – Jack, episode Queen of Jordan
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Re: Film Nest

Postby Firewind » Wed Mar 05, 2014 7:41 pm

Vivia wrote:
Robot Jox, giant robot action from the 80s. I need this film!


I still have this film (and it's pal) kicking around somewhere on VHS. It had a 'partner' film that was supposed to be seperate but just used the same robot footage... LOL... If you merged the two films together you might just get one mildly bad film instead of two terrible ones... :lol:
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Re: Film Nest

Postby Vivia » Fri Mar 07, 2014 11:51 pm

On VHS? You win the internet today. 8-)

Edit: Brows Held High review of Zardos is gone. :(

More Cinema Snob:

The Conqueror - A film so bad it literally gave people cancer; the film was shot on a nuclear testing site and the production crew became sick with cancer and yes, they were very aware about the nuclear waste. WTF. John Wayne wants to share booty in the film, an actor known for his Western films plays a Mongolian conqueror.
"The music is telling us From Here To Eternity but the scene is showing us I Spit On Your Grave!"

Time for Oancitizen, I have sadly neglected to write about him, his show is Brows Held High, he reviews bad art films that are kind of interesting.

Zardoz - The creme de la creme of bad. Sean Connery wearing thigh-high boots. Sean Connery wears a wedding dress and not a nice looking one. Really no plot to speak of.

Andy Warhol's Dracula - A homoerotic take on Dracula, there is no plot whatsoever.

Image
Last edited by Vivia on Mon Dec 19, 2016 12:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.
There is nothing gay about the Princeton fight song. "Oh, the men of Princeton are charging up the rear, holding all the balls..." Okay, I hear it now. – Jack, episode Queen of Jordan
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Re: Film Nest

Postby Vivia » Mon Mar 10, 2014 3:42 pm

Edit: some of the links are gone forever. The Guy with the Glasses became Channel Awesome and then Blip disappeared. Some brave souls have uploaded them on Youtube, but not all of them.

More Brad Jones as I remember the reviews I liked. His Cinema Snob series is huge, the list on That Guy With The Glasses is not complete. Exploitation cinema can be grim, I avoid the reviews with child abuse and bestiality as best as I can ...

Zombi 7 - A sort of a sequel to a sequel that's not really the actual sequel and Zombi ´90 is the official title. Comically dubbed voices that doesn't fit the characters.

"When you're on a first date always accuse the woman of breaking wind. You don't want to think you did it!"

Hell's Bloody Devils - How to sell your exploitation secret agent film? Simple, just edit it with a bikers flick. The Nazi bikers start the movie and then it moves to secret agent raping someone and ends with Nazi bikers.

Silent Night Deadly Night, Part 2 - Half a movie or two movies, you decide. It has the legendary bad scene of garbage day.

"As we all know the psychiatrist is the only guard in most prisons."

Ninja Terminator - Twenty minutes are a film about ninjas from the '80s and the rest is a '70s martial arts flick for no logical explanation, typical bad movie edits. The villain wears a blonde wig and that could mean there is a hidden message somewhere.

"Smooth. It's like James Bond wanted to touch my children!"

Brutes and Savages - As the title says, white-man's-reality galore from the 70s (that decade has a lot to stand for). It contains what could be the funniest death scenes in cinema, it's so over the top and hilarious and it goes on and on, starts at around 2:56. I cried from laughter. :mrgreen:

"In the movie we're following around this flamboyant showman guy named Arthur Davies through Africa and South-America. And with Africa and South-America I mean someone's backyard in Florida."
Last edited by Vivia on Mon Dec 19, 2016 12:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.
There is nothing gay about the Princeton fight song. "Oh, the men of Princeton are charging up the rear, holding all the balls..." Okay, I hear it now. – Jack, episode Queen of Jordan
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Re: Film Nest

Postby Chun the Unavoidable » Tue Mar 11, 2014 8:31 am

Vivia: I think Zardoz probably read better than it watched. Though I take it that's a book based on the film and not vice versa, so I may well be wrong. Do you think Connery looks back on that and, well... could you class it as either a grimace or a sardonic smile?
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Re: Film Nest

Postby Vivia » Tue Mar 11, 2014 7:16 pm

Probably both. According to the IMDB message board he hardly even mentions the film in his autobiography. :)
He deserves praise for going through with it, there is no modern actor alive who could have pulled off that role, absolutely no one. Oh, the 70s brought us many horrors.
There is nothing gay about the Princeton fight song. "Oh, the men of Princeton are charging up the rear, holding all the balls..." Okay, I hear it now. – Jack, episode Queen of Jordan
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Re: Film Nest

Postby Liliedhe » Tue Mar 11, 2014 7:28 pm

Just the tagline of Zardoz makes me dissolve into hysterical giggles. Until you realise that people write stuff like that for reals and then it's a case of "go away world".
"You were a warleader, a fighter, when did you gain such illuminating insight into the minds of others?"
"I learned such things as you and your brothers applied brand to my flesh and parted skin with rasp and knife," snarled Astelan. "When your witches tried to prise open my mind they opened me for an instant and I stared back."
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Re: Film Nest

Postby Vivia » Tue Mar 11, 2014 10:00 pm

It's the film's fatal flaw that it takes itself so seriously, the story in itself has some interesting ideas but it's so abysmally executed one can't take them seriously. It has no self-irony, nor does the director seem to have any of it in his DVD commentary (according to IMDB), 40 years haven't done much. One could have wish he had left the camp and kitsch out of the film but the 70s were very 70s.
There is nothing gay about the Princeton fight song. "Oh, the men of Princeton are charging up the rear, holding all the balls..." Okay, I hear it now. – Jack, episode Queen of Jordan
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Re: Film Nest

Postby Vivia » Sat Mar 22, 2014 10:01 pm

Shameful Sequels by Mike J.

The Wicker Man - The hideous remake of the classic horror film. Nicholas Cage in his most dramatic role starring as Nicholas Cage.

Ewoks: Caravan of Courage - A rip off and sequel of Star Wars. I watched it when I was 9 and I loved it. *cries*

Spiderman 3 - This one is weird; I thought I had hallucinated watching the film, surely there was no Spiderman 3. But I was wrong. Sometimes a film take a nasty left turn.

Scorpion 3 - Ron Perlman, why? Set in an unspecified Asian kingdom or whatever, the costumes are a mess. Someone in "Sherlock" was taking pointers from this film about slow-motion sequences. Perlman is painful to watch, or as one thread in IMDB: Does Ron have money problems?
"The movie opens with lens flare. Who directed this, Zack Snyder?"

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1781896/board/nest/192744695?ref_=tt_bd_1
There is nothing gay about the Princeton fight song. "Oh, the men of Princeton are charging up the rear, holding all the balls..." Okay, I hear it now. – Jack, episode Queen of Jordan
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Re: Film Nest

Postby Vivia » Mon Mar 31, 2014 11:34 am

So they did, the two reviewers of the weird and tasteless cinema, Diamanda Hagan and The Cinema Snob, reviewed Myra Breckenridge! *angelic choir*
This is Hagan and the Snob at their best, they're so funny, watch the Snob's expression during their viewing of the rape scene and Hagan's balloon hat piece after it. Their review was everything I hoped for.

The review!

So much is wrong with the movie, say what you will of the actors, but one thing takes the cake and that's the director Michael Sarne. He wrote the screenplay of this turd and I think he deserves much of the blame. According to Hagan, the DVD commentary was actually much worse than the film and that's says a lot. He spoke against gays, the gay agenda and the sadness of transsexualism. I think that undercurrent was felt throughout the film and it explains why so much is so bad.

He directed an episode of Jonathan Creek, holy moley.
There is nothing gay about the Princeton fight song. "Oh, the men of Princeton are charging up the rear, holding all the balls..." Okay, I hear it now. – Jack, episode Queen of Jordan
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Re: Film Nest

Postby Vivia » Mon Apr 07, 2014 7:59 pm

Hooray! Many of the campy exploitation films are on Youtube! It's no wonder since so many of these kind of films are so bad no one claims any rights.

Death Bed:The Bed That Eats: Art film with an annoying narrator. The bed makes chewing sounds when it eats...

The Last Man On Earth: This one is quite a dark sci-fi story starring Vincent Price.

MST3k - Manos: The Hands Of Fate: If you can manage to watch this to the end you can count yourself lucky, it's mind-numbing. It's barely watchable even with the MST3k crew. No actors or film crew were involved in the film.

MST3k - Werewolf: Wirwilf or wurwulf, it's very hard to say which one it is. The villain has at least four different wigs, he couldn't make up his mind.

Kingdom of the Spiders: Starring classic William Shatner and his unique interpretation of acting. It's funny because tarantulas are the least harmful of spiders.
As Jay Sherman from The Critic remarked: "Jean Paul LePope is the worst actor I've ever seen... and I've seen all of William Shatner's movies, even Kingdom of the Spiders!"
There is nothing gay about the Princeton fight song. "Oh, the men of Princeton are charging up the rear, holding all the balls..." Okay, I hear it now. – Jack, episode Queen of Jordan
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Re: Film Nest

Postby Vivia » Thu Oct 09, 2014 2:11 pm

The FIlm Nest is back!

Cinema Snob extravaganza, he watches what we cannot.

Moment by Moment: After a few successful films, John Travolta went into a downward spiral and Moment by Moment is possible the worst of the bunch. It feels like there has never been such an awkward romantic pairing as Travolta and Lily Tomlin, they're uniquely awful in their roles and they have the same hairstyle. Why does one wonder? Well, it COULD be because of the lesbian female lead and the male lead has always had gay rumours surrounding him. This movie explains so much.
"Are you a member of the auto-mobile club?"

Mommie Dearest: Camp film for the win. Faye Dunaway plays Joan Crawford, well-known Hollywood monster and actress. Despite its reputation it's actually a very accurate portrait of abused children and abuser, Dunaway is masterful with her wigs, holy moley, those are some wigs, and her eyebrows. The wire hanger scene is sad and disturbing, I feel sad for Crawford and the children, it's just like the things that triggered my father, it makes me feel and remember a little too much. But I guess it's easier to say it's campy and funny, depressive topics such as alcoholism and child abuse nonetheless. The fight scene is funny and over the top though.

Edit: That Guy With The Glasses network is now Channel Awesome, therefore all my links are null. I changed the ones for this post. Bah.
There is nothing gay about the Princeton fight song. "Oh, the men of Princeton are charging up the rear, holding all the balls..." Okay, I hear it now. – Jack, episode Queen of Jordan
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Re: Film Nest

Postby Vivia » Wed Sep 09, 2015 8:58 pm

Xanadu: (1980)

This a film that falls into the beloved bad movie category. Mainly because despite all of its short-comings, it's a beautiful homage to the weirdness of the 70s. Most people are aware of the fashion apocalypse of the decade, but to me this film shows everything I love about it. It was released in 1980, but the sensibilities are all '70s and that means the movie makes no sense whatsoever. None. There is a "plot", though it's so vague it really makes no real effort in trying to be a real cinematic feature other than being an empty vehicle for Olivia Newton-John. It's a musical without understanding what it takes to make one, it's the directors fault.

What I like about it is the dream-like quality of the film, it has no connection to reality whatsoever, and that's something I miss in cinema from time to time. This quality is superbly demonstrated in the soundtrack by ELO, Electric Light Orchestra, the band's sound fits the mood perfectly, the ethereal vibe of the symphony/space rock of the era. It's over-produced and loud, it's more than the film deserves. I love it.
As a film it fails rather spectacular, I can easily say those pesky musicals during the Golden Age of Hollywood were more competently made. They did good when they picked Gene Kelly to star, he brought much needed grace and glamour. He is the only good actor in the film, Michael Beck is particularly lifeless in his role.
There is a memorable scene with a band battle, new vs old, that is also rather good, very New Wave and androgynous. Fashion!
Rollerblades, beaches, dancing and flowing dresses. I say give me more. This is the opposite of what I feel when I watch Saturday Night Fever. :mrgreen:
I really love Newton-John's ability to look like a natural beauty, the type that was seen as healthy, that's rarely seen in cinema or in the music scene, usually people trip over themselves to look overly unique and artificial. (Now, how can I do my make-up the same way. :) )

In all, it's one of those few inoffensive bad movies. It's more or less a stoner's feverish hallucination about disco and rock. It has a style that was carried on to films such as Labyrinth, I'm certain someone involved in the film watched Xanadu. :mrgreen:
There is nothing gay about the Princeton fight song. "Oh, the men of Princeton are charging up the rear, holding all the balls..." Okay, I hear it now. – Jack, episode Queen of Jordan
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Re: Film Nest

Postby Athelassan » Sun Dec 18, 2016 12:45 am

Since this thread was never particularly popular and has not been used in over a year even by Viv I'm unstickying it.
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Re: Film Nest

Postby Vivia » Mon Dec 19, 2016 12:08 pm

Sorry, for that. I was meant to say to unsticky it like a year ago, but then I forgot. :oops:
There is nothing gay about the Princeton fight song. "Oh, the men of Princeton are charging up the rear, holding all the balls..." Okay, I hear it now. – Jack, episode Queen of Jordan
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