50 Shades of Grey Knight

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50 Shades of Grey Knight

Postby MisterEd » Wed Jul 11, 2012 11:23 am

Well, let's face, we all thought the same thing when we saw the adverts for the current flash in the pan trend in book selling.

The challenge is this: Write a short piece of incredibly awkward, poorly structured prose, featuring a grim and distant Greyknight acting like a poorly thought out and emotionless monster. Any other character should also be bland and poorly realised. In other words, a poorly thought out parody of 50 Shades of Grey with a 40K twist. Forget all that stuff you've learned about structure and narrative. Try and make it bad.

Post it here and then let someone else write the next bit. Keep it all firmly PG13, and don't worry about the quality, we're going for 'so bad it's sort of funny' here.
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Re: 50 Shades of Grey Knight

Postby schaferwhat‽ » Wed Jul 11, 2012 11:27 am

didn't Aaron already do an entire novel of this? Image


Yes I went there! Also I'll think of something.
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Re: 50 Shades of Grey Knight

Postby Xisor » Wed Jul 11, 2012 1:36 pm

Via Mark C & Graham McNeill on Fortress of Hera/Facebook: are we allowed to include Imperial Fist(ing)s?

(Also, good shout, Schafe. I chuckled happily. )
"When my housemate puts his bike in the middle of the living room floor, I find that inordinately jarring, annoying and rude, but for me to refer to it as "genocide" would be incorrect." -Ath
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Re: 50 Shades of Grey Knight

Postby MalkyDel » Wed Jul 11, 2012 3:48 pm

Outside the bloodstorm continued, showing no signs of stop-ping.

Brother Grey, those named after the colourings of their armour were said to be more blessed than those named after the moons of Saturn, gazed down at the open record. It should have shocked him, this revelation that was not truly a revelation, but it did not.

"Something the matter?" The woman's voice echoed about him, shaking him from his reverie. She was a mere Sororitas, a woman who could not understand his turmoil- the burden of his past and of his duty. She could not understand the terrible pain of being him, of knowing what he knew.

"My mother." He spoke the words with a voice trembling with an-ger. "She was a common whore in the Underhive, Sister Steele. A woman of ill-repute. I imagine the Ordos killed her when they took me from her, or perhaps she was simply glad to be rid of the witchbreed she had sired." He continued to speak, only his words mattering. What was Steele next to him? The bloodstorm raging outside the monastry had lent the interior a crimson look, it was becoming a red room of pain.

"And she looked just like you."
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Re: 50 Shades of Grey Knight

Postby MisterEd » Fri Jul 13, 2012 11:19 am

Meanwhile, back at the Sororitas Convent for the Order of the Wilting Purple Daffodil, Sister Weepy was slaving away in the warehouse.

"Oh I do wonder what this Adeptus Astartes wants with all the gear" she said to the Servitor. The servitor looked blankly at Sister Weepy. The sad looking, grey skinned automaton looked at her, sadly, with it's sad eyes, it's grey metal arms pushing the grey trolley. Which was grey.

"I mean, what is all this stuff for" she exclaimed, as she pulled down a bumper pack of gaffer tape from the warehouse shelves and deposited it in the trolley. "And why do we even have this stuff in the convent" she opined as she picked up another box of medium sized ball-gags.
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Re: 50 Shades of Grey Knight

Postby Raziel4707 » Tue Jul 17, 2012 10:45 pm

Sister Steele stood solidly for several seconds, then lay down in luxury upon the bed that had shackles and things around the edge, like a table with shackles all around it. Only rather than being a table, it was a bed.

Steele gave a gasp as the shackles shackled themselves to her refumbulent limbs and pulled tightly, holding her as firmly in place as an Eldar with something very heavy on top of it. Perhaps a rock or something, maybe an ornamental squirrel of considerable proportions, she mused.

The Grey Knight then approached with his armour still covering his hard, rigid body, with its muscles that undulated and jutted from beneath his pale, tanned skin completely invisible to her at this point and so completely irrelevant in the context of this particular scene, yet vitally important in a moment once she gets his armour off and can actually see his body.

"I see you are already ready for me," he said, noisily removing his armour with a socket wrench and a pair of pliers the approximate size of a common European kestrel. "But I have one more surprise for you before we get to the old "in-out"."

Whirring noisetically, a trio of seven cyber-skulls appeared from behind a curtain between the chez lounge and the bureau where the Grey Knight would write the lascivious poetry with which he had bombarded Steele, like a marine raining love and spanking upon a defenseless damsel using a bombardment cannon full of hugs. Hugs and the occasional black eye.

"I hope you don't mind performing for an audience," he chortled.
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Re: 50 Shades of Grey Knight

Postby Xisor » Tue Jul 17, 2012 10:58 pm

Image

You people have a mastery of hard (to read) prose. ;)
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Re: 50 Shades of Grey Knight

Postby Vivia » Wed Jul 18, 2012 12:41 pm

Ah, it's like reading the Inquisitor War all over again. It's too much... :O
There is nothing gay about the Princeton fight song. "Oh, the men of Princeton are charging up the rear, holding all the balls..." Okay, I hear it now. – Jack, episode Queen of Jordan
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Re: 50 Shades of Grey Knight

Postby fallen inquistor » Wed Jan 09, 2013 3:35 am

I know this might be a bit of thread necromancy, but I saw this and I couldn't resist adding to it. Witness the glorious stupidity. :lol:

Brother Grey began to strip out of his power armor, revealing his glorious, glistening body. He reached down and grasped Sister Steele’s throat with his super strong hand, nearly crushing her windpipe.

“Oh I do so love it when you nearly crush my windpipe!” Sister Steele gasped joyously, which wasn’t easy to do because she was still gagging from nearly having her windpipe crushed. The Grey Knight was so strong. Just like a really strong person would be.

“My loins blaze with the Emperor’s fury!” roared Brother Grey.

Unfortunately, at that moment they were interrupted by Space Wolf Wolf Lord Blackenmane smashing through large oaken temple door.

“Stop, knave!” he roared, pointing accusingly at Brother Grey, his muscular form flexing. He was covered with scars that were all rugged and aesthetically pleasing and not at all disfiguring. Sister Steele couldn’t see any of this through his armor and unlike the Grey Knight, wouldn’t get to until much later. “Unhand her!”

“Who is a knave but YOU!” Brother Grey roared back. The two genetic supermen squared off against each other, standing so close they could have embraced, which they didn’t do of course, because they both hated each other and were in love with Sister Steele. “I will do no such thing!”

“Really it’s quite alright, Space Wolf Wolf Lord Blackenmane”, Sister Steele said. “I’m actually quite happy here.”

“Silence!” Space Wolf Wolf Lord Blackenmane said, broodingly and dramatically. “You do not get a say in this, woman!”

Sister Steele pouted silently.

“Well I do and I say she stays!” roared Brother Grey.

“If you do not release her than I will gather my Wolf Brothers into a great Wolf Pack and we will descend on this temple with the great wolven fury and hound you until you are dead!” roared Space Wolf Wolf Lord Blackenmane.

“Ha!” roared Brother Grey. “I have twelve chapters of Grey Knights who will rush to fight at my side!”

Space Wolf Wolf Lord Blackenmane scowled deeply. “If you fight against me all the neighboring worlds will be left open to the vile depredations of the Dark Elder who will murder and rape and torture and rape and enslave and rape people all across the system. Stop being an imbecile and give her up!”

“Never!” roared Brother Grey. “You stop being an imbecile and leave us alone!”

Never!” roared Space Wolf Wolf Lord Blackenmane.

“Then we shall fight at dawn! I will leave the lady untouched till then!”

“Now men” Sister Steele pouted. “You’re being extremely selfish about all of this. What about ME? I don’t want you to fight over me and I don’t want to remain untouched till morning. Why can’t you BOTH just share me and be happy?”

“SHUT UP, WOMAN!” Brother Grey and Space Wolf Wolf Lord Blackenmane roared.

“Then it’s decided!” Space Wolf Wolf Lord Blackenmane roared, “We’ll meet at dawn and settle this!” He turned and stormed off in a rage.
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